Communication Goals: Live with the person of our choice
As we examine important goals in our lives I think it will become clear that we all want to . . .
1. Live with the person of our choice.
2. Live in the community of our choice.
3. Work at the job of our choice.
4. Work at the level of our choice.
5. Work at the pay of our choice.
As each of us has matured, we have looked around to find someone that we think would be rewarding to live with and that might be willing to live with us. We are looking for someone that we want to do everything with. It turns out, that can be a really tough job. But, it often is the underlying goal that keeps us actively searching. I view this goal as being the number one goal for most of us. We want to, "Live with the person of our choice."
Immediately we have several problems. Some choices are great from a distance and horrible up close. Some think we’re inconsequential and unimportant. Some think we’re just fine and would like to count us as friends for life. The question is, how to let them know who we are and what we want to be. How do we find out what they are “really” like and what they will be in the long run?
Communication helps us find the answers to those questions. Whether the communication is verbal or nonverbal, it is important. If we’re going to deliberately reach our goal, we are going to have to understand as much as possible about communicating. For example, we watch folk to see what kinds of things they spend their time and resources doing in hopes of understanding who they are. We listen to them because we think that they will talk about what is in their mind and what they hope to accomplish in their lifetime. These are important items if the two of you are going to be able live together.
Who we are is often a reflection of those we came from. Knowing the family then can have an impact on your actions. Knowing the culture they represent and your ability to fit into that culture is important. Agreeing on what a man or woman is can make a huge difference. Knowledge, acquired through communication is our only real hope.
Or, we could look at communication this way: everything we do or say allows others to know us. On the other side everything they do or say allows us to know them. So, the question boils down to what do you do and say when trying to make a proper presentation of who you are? You can’t control what they do or say and so it is an unbalanced situation. The best answer to this imbalance is to allow time to pass so you can get a better idea of who they are.
Basic rule: relationships are either growing or shrinking. There is no way to put them on a shelf and have them remain intact. They are improving or falling apart all the time.