Sunday, April 13, 2008


“How many times do I have to tell you that I love you?” One of the things we should examine is, “Why is this person asking over and over again do you love me?” There are several possible reasons.

Instead of letting your frustration burst out, think about what they are saying or at least what you think they are saying. They may be saying that, “If you really loved me you would be around more often and longer.” They could also be saying, “I hear what you say to me, but I don’t hear an adequate explanation why you can love me.” Probably the first of these two explanations is the most important.

The reason is simple: time. Time and your use of it says a huge amount about who you are and what you value. People spend most of their time doing what they prefer to do. When they aren’t spending time the way they want to, they usually complain loud and long. If you love someone and you don’t choose to spend time with them, then they have a right to wonder about your real feelings.

In our society there are several things that attempt to make demands on our time: work/professional, pursuit of pleasures, use of available time if there is any. The first use of time is important in our middle American culture. There is a fairly strong temptation for us to think that work and professional lives are important. In fact, in many cases, the work loads of many Americans makes their interpersonal relationships difficult. This may force us to make ethical decisions about how we want to live our lives. Is it about your career or is it about you family/significant other?

In the pursuit of pleasures we may be abusive to those we think we love the most. Even if non-professional time should pop up, do we seek to spend it with those we love, or do we pursue pleasures that may be self-centered. Think about time and how you use it. It is an extremely important device for saying things to people around. Make certain that you are saying what you intend to say by your use of time.

Keep in mind that nonverbal is more believable than verbal. Both are necessary.

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