Usually, speakers spend little time being concerned about introductions or conclusions. Most of the time is spent on the body of the speech. Their concern is for the main content of the speech and not for those who are expected to listen, or even how the listeners might use the content.
Clearly, if the audience doesn’t listen in the first place, they are not going to recall what you said. But, once you have established a plan for getting and holding their attention with a well planned introduction you need to provide them with an effective way to recall what you’ve said.
There are several things that you can do. A list of ideas, concepts and/or actions will help your listeners recall what you have said. Even a day or so later should someone ask what your speech was about, thanks to the plan you developed they are able to recall all or most of what you said. Sometimes a word can be a useful tool.
For example, you are speaking on the responsibilities of piloting an airplane and you know that there are many things to recall. You want your audience to get a glimpse of the challenge facing pilots. In order to help the audience retain what you have said you list things to be checked. Then you explain during your speech that these things must be remembered to assure a safe flight. These are the things you must check:
Controls
Gas
Rudder
Instruments
Ailerons
Safety
In order to recall all of the items to be checked you create a mnemonic device: a word easily recalled that represents every item on the safety checklist. How ‘bout CIGARS? That should do the trick. Now you can explain to your audience the importance of pre-flight checks and have them remember what you said.
A little thought in advance may make a huge difference to the listener.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Introductions
The introduction to a speech usually does not receive the attention it deserves. The reason is likely that we spend most of our time on the body of the speech, which is the reason we are speaking in the first place. The body gets all the attention and the introduction and conclusion get nearly nothing.
The fact is that the introduction deserves considerable attention. In fact, it deserves a plan. The listener wants to know why they should bother to spend the time and energy necessary to focus on what you’re going to say. If it can be avoided, they will wander off in their thoughts to anything more pleasant and less energy consuming. Remember, focus requires that the individual listen, interpret, sort, store and recall what is being said. That can be very tiring. If the listener is going to spend the energy what’s in it for them?
Consider the audience: what are they willing to spend their energy on? Can you tie your topic to anything that most of the audience would consider to be of importance? They will likely consider such things as social success, money, security, etc. Once you have that in mind, tie your topic to one of those interests. Now they have a reason to listen.
For example: I can enjoy watching a golf tournament on TV. I can talk about the things I have seen during the tournament and my wife will not understand or care. For her watching a golf tournament is like watching grass grow. If I hope to involve her in a conversation about golf, I need to give her a pretty good reason why it is important to her. If I fail to do that, I have failed to gain and hold her attention. That means, I can talk all day long with the best possible delivery about golf and she won’t listen and she won’t care. Without having the audience share your interest in your topic you are just flapping your gums. Tie the subject to you audience and do it with a plan.
The fact is that the introduction deserves considerable attention. In fact, it deserves a plan. The listener wants to know why they should bother to spend the time and energy necessary to focus on what you’re going to say. If it can be avoided, they will wander off in their thoughts to anything more pleasant and less energy consuming. Remember, focus requires that the individual listen, interpret, sort, store and recall what is being said. That can be very tiring. If the listener is going to spend the energy what’s in it for them?
Consider the audience: what are they willing to spend their energy on? Can you tie your topic to anything that most of the audience would consider to be of importance? They will likely consider such things as social success, money, security, etc. Once you have that in mind, tie your topic to one of those interests. Now they have a reason to listen.
For example: I can enjoy watching a golf tournament on TV. I can talk about the things I have seen during the tournament and my wife will not understand or care. For her watching a golf tournament is like watching grass grow. If I hope to involve her in a conversation about golf, I need to give her a pretty good reason why it is important to her. If I fail to do that, I have failed to gain and hold her attention. That means, I can talk all day long with the best possible delivery about golf and she won’t listen and she won’t care. Without having the audience share your interest in your topic you are just flapping your gums. Tie the subject to you audience and do it with a plan.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Organization Is Important
“Well, why didn’t you say that in the first place?” That’s an expression many of us have heard often over the years. Why would anybody say such a thing? Simple: had they understood your starting point clearly they would have had a better chance to understand everything else you have said.
Organization is important and should never be ignored. Just because something is clear in your mind doesn’t mean that it will be clear to others. If they had the same understanding you do of the subject, then you might be able to assume that whatever is clear to you should be clear to them. But their understanding is bound to be different. The world that they have created in their mind is different from the world you’ve created in yours. That means that you are going to have to proceed with caution, step by step, using examples, definitions, illustrations, stories, statistics and other materials to build your idea in their mind.
The more time you spend building an organization that will make clear what you’re thinking the more likely those you are talking to will understand what you are trying to communicate. In part, our impatience with organization comes from the belief that “all reasonable people are pretty much like I am.” Even if that were true in general it isn’t true in particular. You have built your world one experience at a time over several months or years. Now you have to provide the equivalent information in the proper order to empower them to understand what you are saying.
Organization is key. The better you are at the following thought processes the more likely that you will be effective at speaking.
1. Focus on your knowledge base. What do I know about my chosen topic? What is the goal of my communication?
2. Focus on the audience—what do they know about my topic? What will they need to know to understand what I’m talking about?
3. What do I want them to think, or be able to do? Can I state it in a simple declarative sentence and does it cover basically one topic?
4. How can I arrange my materials to produce the outcome I want/need? What do they need to know in general and in what order for them to understand?
5. Can I say it in such a way that they will see that it is important to them, easy to understand and memorable? Will they be able to explain to another person later what you have said?
Organization is important and should never be ignored. Just because something is clear in your mind doesn’t mean that it will be clear to others. If they had the same understanding you do of the subject, then you might be able to assume that whatever is clear to you should be clear to them. But their understanding is bound to be different. The world that they have created in their mind is different from the world you’ve created in yours. That means that you are going to have to proceed with caution, step by step, using examples, definitions, illustrations, stories, statistics and other materials to build your idea in their mind.
The more time you spend building an organization that will make clear what you’re thinking the more likely those you are talking to will understand what you are trying to communicate. In part, our impatience with organization comes from the belief that “all reasonable people are pretty much like I am.” Even if that were true in general it isn’t true in particular. You have built your world one experience at a time over several months or years. Now you have to provide the equivalent information in the proper order to empower them to understand what you are saying.
Organization is key. The better you are at the following thought processes the more likely that you will be effective at speaking.
1. Focus on your knowledge base. What do I know about my chosen topic? What is the goal of my communication?
2. Focus on the audience—what do they know about my topic? What will they need to know to understand what I’m talking about?
3. What do I want them to think, or be able to do? Can I state it in a simple declarative sentence and does it cover basically one topic?
4. How can I arrange my materials to produce the outcome I want/need? What do they need to know in general and in what order for them to understand?
5. Can I say it in such a way that they will see that it is important to them, easy to understand and memorable? Will they be able to explain to another person later what you have said?
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Speech Writers: Good or Bad?
Presidents of the United States have used speech writers for years. From one point of view, that may mean that we never know how our president really feels about the issues. The speech writers interpret what the power structure behind the president wants communicated and gives it to the president to read. With the issues so very complicated and important why not have the added protection of a literate group providing the president and through his/her voice give us insight into what should be done?
In fact, as we watch our presidents age visibly while they are in office and we recognize how enormously complicated the issues facing us are why should we expect them to completely understand all the issues. Many of the issues our nation faces are bound to impact the entire globe. Folk who are experts must advise the president at all levels, at all times about all things and that probably should include speech writing.
On the other hand, we all remember campaign promises that never seem to be priorities after the election has been won. We wonder what ever happened to those promises. It makes each of us a little more cynical than we were the year before. Circumstances change constantly and alter the actions necessary. "What ever happened to the person I voted for?" That's a question we've all asked at some point. The fact is, what ever happened to us that we have made so many changes and adaptations to fit our new positions in life. Change happens. We adjust and we understand that from our point of view. It is much harder to understand how our issues can be so easily abandoned by our president and congress.
So are speech writers a really good idea? Can you imagine presidents you don't like writing their own speeches? Can you imagine any of us actually saying what we think without some sort of filter? Speech writers are good to have if you hope to have a smooth running organization. Simple words poorly chosen can cause huge furors over things on which we don't really want to spend time and resources. The question isn't really are speech writers ethical to use, but instead are the folk who use them ethical.
In fact, as we watch our presidents age visibly while they are in office and we recognize how enormously complicated the issues facing us are why should we expect them to completely understand all the issues. Many of the issues our nation faces are bound to impact the entire globe. Folk who are experts must advise the president at all levels, at all times about all things and that probably should include speech writing.
On the other hand, we all remember campaign promises that never seem to be priorities after the election has been won. We wonder what ever happened to those promises. It makes each of us a little more cynical than we were the year before. Circumstances change constantly and alter the actions necessary. "What ever happened to the person I voted for?" That's a question we've all asked at some point. The fact is, what ever happened to us that we have made so many changes and adaptations to fit our new positions in life. Change happens. We adjust and we understand that from our point of view. It is much harder to understand how our issues can be so easily abandoned by our president and congress.
So are speech writers a really good idea? Can you imagine presidents you don't like writing their own speeches? Can you imagine any of us actually saying what we think without some sort of filter? Speech writers are good to have if you hope to have a smooth running organization. Simple words poorly chosen can cause huge furors over things on which we don't really want to spend time and resources. The question isn't really are speech writers ethical to use, but instead are the folk who use them ethical.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
How To Handle Fear
Fear of "performing" in public seems to be natural to almost everyone. And there are some good reasons why: the feeling that you're going to make a fool of yourself, the feeling that people will lose respect for you are a couple of examples.
Two keys to success.
1. Focus on your audience and their needs. It is true that you need to have some concerns about yourself in this process, but at the center of your thoughts is a concern for the audience and their needs. Through the entire process of preparation your focus must be on your audience: why should they care about this topic, what do they already know, what do they need to know, what form of presentation will aid them the most in understanding and retaining what you have to say, and what kinds of materials, examples, illustrations, graphics, statistics and other supporting materials will aid them.
It is only natural to be concerned about your personal needs. Will I make mistakes? Of course, but that isn't a problem, you even know what kinds of mistakes you are prone to make. Acknowledge that fact and prepare something that can be said when you make the mistake. Practice saying what you have to say to individuals and small groups so that you and your brain get used to talking about this topic. Know what you're going to wear and then before you stand up to speak, check everything out to be certain that everything that can be done about your appearance has been done and then put yourself out of your mind. Focus on the audience.
2. Focus on your message. Ask yourself why your audience needs to know what you're going to talk to them about. Think of a method that will create interest and a needy feeling for the information you are going to share. Tell them a short story or give them a short example and then move into the main reason you are speaking to them. Be certain that the elements that will be necessary for them to understand and retain are clearly stated and in some memorable form. That would mean you had thought about the best overall way to talk about your topic and noted that in an organizational plan that you can recall and will guide their thinking.
Feel like a missionary. Feel like they will be better off after having heard you than they were before and that they will realize it. Relax, have an enlarged conversation with the individual members of the audience about the topic. Don't be concerned about being perfect in your presentation, instead worry about them taking with them the important message you have for them.
These two items, focus on your audience and focus on your message for them, will carry you a long way toward a successful presentation.
Two keys to success.
1. Focus on your audience and their needs. It is true that you need to have some concerns about yourself in this process, but at the center of your thoughts is a concern for the audience and their needs. Through the entire process of preparation your focus must be on your audience: why should they care about this topic, what do they already know, what do they need to know, what form of presentation will aid them the most in understanding and retaining what you have to say, and what kinds of materials, examples, illustrations, graphics, statistics and other supporting materials will aid them.
It is only natural to be concerned about your personal needs. Will I make mistakes? Of course, but that isn't a problem, you even know what kinds of mistakes you are prone to make. Acknowledge that fact and prepare something that can be said when you make the mistake. Practice saying what you have to say to individuals and small groups so that you and your brain get used to talking about this topic. Know what you're going to wear and then before you stand up to speak, check everything out to be certain that everything that can be done about your appearance has been done and then put yourself out of your mind. Focus on the audience.
2. Focus on your message. Ask yourself why your audience needs to know what you're going to talk to them about. Think of a method that will create interest and a needy feeling for the information you are going to share. Tell them a short story or give them a short example and then move into the main reason you are speaking to them. Be certain that the elements that will be necessary for them to understand and retain are clearly stated and in some memorable form. That would mean you had thought about the best overall way to talk about your topic and noted that in an organizational plan that you can recall and will guide their thinking.
Feel like a missionary. Feel like they will be better off after having heard you than they were before and that they will realize it. Relax, have an enlarged conversation with the individual members of the audience about the topic. Don't be concerned about being perfect in your presentation, instead worry about them taking with them the important message you have for them.
These two items, focus on your audience and focus on your message for them, will carry you a long way toward a successful presentation.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Gather and Use Information Effectively
When most of us were in school we tended to look at the process of gathering information as the fulfillment of an assignment. Assignments are not necessarily things that we enjoy and they require us to do things and use time in ways that we would rather not.
But in fact, that isn't entirely true. We should look at the other side of information gathering. If snowboarding is your thing, then the more you can learn from nearly any source the more likely you will enjoy your experiences and the better you will look to your peers. It really isn't work and it doesn't mean we're forced to do things we don't enjoy.
That is one of the reasons why we should follow our interests: that almost never is something we want to avoid and it makes learning much easier. Oddly enough if we can make a good living from doing the things that interest us work will not be nearly so difficult. Instead, we will look forward to doing what we enjoy. Further, if we are working for a busy person, then sooner or later we will be asked to speak on their behalf. We may not look forward to the speaking itself, but we will be confident that we know what we're talking about and that we can tell people what they need to know. The "research" of the project is something that we would do not matter what our role in life might be.
Explaining things to people about subjects you enjoy will be made easier because you enjoy talking about those things. The real trick is to find a way to get paid to do what you most enjoy doing. Just to prepare yourself to do a job that pays well without regard to your interest is asking to really hate your job.
I'm equally certain that choosing someone to live with is much better when you choose someone that you really want to be with as much as possible. When you select someone that you think everybody else wants to live with you're headed for trouble.
But in fact, that isn't entirely true. We should look at the other side of information gathering. If snowboarding is your thing, then the more you can learn from nearly any source the more likely you will enjoy your experiences and the better you will look to your peers. It really isn't work and it doesn't mean we're forced to do things we don't enjoy.
That is one of the reasons why we should follow our interests: that almost never is something we want to avoid and it makes learning much easier. Oddly enough if we can make a good living from doing the things that interest us work will not be nearly so difficult. Instead, we will look forward to doing what we enjoy. Further, if we are working for a busy person, then sooner or later we will be asked to speak on their behalf. We may not look forward to the speaking itself, but we will be confident that we know what we're talking about and that we can tell people what they need to know. The "research" of the project is something that we would do not matter what our role in life might be.
Explaining things to people about subjects you enjoy will be made easier because you enjoy talking about those things. The real trick is to find a way to get paid to do what you most enjoy doing. Just to prepare yourself to do a job that pays well without regard to your interest is asking to really hate your job.
I'm equally certain that choosing someone to live with is much better when you choose someone that you really want to be with as much as possible. When you select someone that you think everybody else wants to live with you're headed for trouble.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Growing Together
There are many problems in communication and we should avoid all of them. Unfortunately, we don't even recognize all of them and many we see looking back at what we should have done. One of the problems that we must be aware of is the maintenance of relationships.
We seem to be able to get ourselves into relationships fairly easily. Some relationships we wish had never happened. Then we have a huge set of problems that we must solve. But, on the positive side, how do we maintain the relationships with which we are delighted.
1. Relationships are not static. They cannot be successfully put aside and then taken up again later as if nothing happened. Relationships are like us: an ongoing process which is never finished. When we attempt to set them aside they immediately begin to deteriorate and fall apart. If we wish to maintain the relationship over time we must work at the relationship actively. A relationship is either growing or dying: there is no middle ground.
2. Gather and share knowledge. Since within interpersonal relationships things are constantly changing you must find a way to keep up with the changes. A huge amount of information is gathered by what we see, smell, feel, hear and lift. That is the non-verbal content that is so important to all communication. If you aren't there to gather that non-verbal data it will probably be missed. The verbal side is critical because it helps us to define the non-verbal information we gather. If we are short on data from these two sources you can count on the fact that the relationship is at risk.
Put another way, if your life style requires that you be absent for large portions of your life, even if you get together at least at home, then you don't know what is going on. If you don't know then you don't know what to say or do. If that is true the only thing that is holding you together in a relationship is convenience/habit. You can't be aware of what is happening inside another individual unless you are around them and able to observe as well as talk about what you think you're seeing.
To gather and share mutual knowledge requires the careful use of time. Our society wants you and your time and will if given the opportunity dominate your time and energy. If you don't set aside the time and energy your relationship is doomed. The high rate of divorce in the United States is an example of this outcome. Try to view your partner in this relationship in as many contexts as possible. That we give you and them the opportunity to see what is going on as well as hear about the details.
3. Avoid the illusion of having "many friends." There isn't enough time or energy on the planet to have many close friends since the communications necessary are so time and energy hungry.
4. Never stop the sharing and pursuit of more information. You may think that you now have established a stable and permanent relationship only to discover that you were wrong. I've heard it said many times that there is no such thing as "too much money." That's probably not true. It is true that you probably cannot have or share too much knowledge/information about your most prized interpersonal relationship. The faster the growth and change in the two of you the more likely that you're going to need to work at keeping up with the change.
To maintain a worthwhile relationship you must plan and execute a system that will enable you to spend time experiencing and talking with your significant other or you can count on nagging problems, some of which may involve things like divorce.
We seem to be able to get ourselves into relationships fairly easily. Some relationships we wish had never happened. Then we have a huge set of problems that we must solve. But, on the positive side, how do we maintain the relationships with which we are delighted.
1. Relationships are not static. They cannot be successfully put aside and then taken up again later as if nothing happened. Relationships are like us: an ongoing process which is never finished. When we attempt to set them aside they immediately begin to deteriorate and fall apart. If we wish to maintain the relationship over time we must work at the relationship actively. A relationship is either growing or dying: there is no middle ground.
2. Gather and share knowledge. Since within interpersonal relationships things are constantly changing you must find a way to keep up with the changes. A huge amount of information is gathered by what we see, smell, feel, hear and lift. That is the non-verbal content that is so important to all communication. If you aren't there to gather that non-verbal data it will probably be missed. The verbal side is critical because it helps us to define the non-verbal information we gather. If we are short on data from these two sources you can count on the fact that the relationship is at risk.
Put another way, if your life style requires that you be absent for large portions of your life, even if you get together at least at home, then you don't know what is going on. If you don't know then you don't know what to say or do. If that is true the only thing that is holding you together in a relationship is convenience/habit. You can't be aware of what is happening inside another individual unless you are around them and able to observe as well as talk about what you think you're seeing.
To gather and share mutual knowledge requires the careful use of time. Our society wants you and your time and will if given the opportunity dominate your time and energy. If you don't set aside the time and energy your relationship is doomed. The high rate of divorce in the United States is an example of this outcome. Try to view your partner in this relationship in as many contexts as possible. That we give you and them the opportunity to see what is going on as well as hear about the details.
3. Avoid the illusion of having "many friends." There isn't enough time or energy on the planet to have many close friends since the communications necessary are so time and energy hungry.
4. Never stop the sharing and pursuit of more information. You may think that you now have established a stable and permanent relationship only to discover that you were wrong. I've heard it said many times that there is no such thing as "too much money." That's probably not true. It is true that you probably cannot have or share too much knowledge/information about your most prized interpersonal relationship. The faster the growth and change in the two of you the more likely that you're going to need to work at keeping up with the change.
To maintain a worthwhile relationship you must plan and execute a system that will enable you to spend time experiencing and talking with your significant other or you can count on nagging problems, some of which may involve things like divorce.
Monday, January 25, 2010
How Do People Make Choices?
When it comes to people, we make choices based on an ideal that was placed in our minds. It has to be based first on how we look. Does the clothing we have chosen to wear seem to us to be appropriate and attractive. Then the concern is about how we move. Or put another way, the first concerns about us as people boils down to do look good and move well. With more experience we begin to ask questions about when and where we are seen.
Neither fair nor accurate, but commonly used tests on whether we want to know more about them as well as spend time with them. That is one of the huge problems with non-verbal communication. It is ambiguous and under the control of someone else. So what are some of the things we ought to consider if we want to be "attractive" to other individuals.
First, you must have in mind the individuals or groups to which you want to be attractive. To this extent learn as much as possible about those that you want to feel attracted to you. Where are they? How do they dress? How do they move? When are they on display? With the answers to these questions you are able to present yourself at the proper time looking like one of their potential friends/associates and you are doing what they would expect of anyone that might be allowed into their circle.
Keep in mind that everybody is busy, and some more so than others. They may not want to "waste" any time on individuals that don't fit their expectations. In our culture, everybody is busy and they are primarily interested in doing what furthers their goals. Keep their effort to accept you to an absolute minimum. Look, sound, move and act like the folk they have already decided to travel with. Now you will not appear to be a waste of their time.
A bulk of what we have just thought about is non-verbal. Something about which we spend too little time thinking. You can't spend too much time or thought about these non-verbals because they are going to play a major role in 1) who you're going to live with, 2) where you are going to work and 3) how much money you're going to make.
After you've been accepted enough to begin talking to each other you can further define you non-verbals. The only way for you to control the meaning of your non-verbals is over time and with your words. Don't allow others to interpret your non-verbals without a plan or the hope of further definition. Communication is tough. Treat it with respect.
Neither fair nor accurate, but commonly used tests on whether we want to know more about them as well as spend time with them. That is one of the huge problems with non-verbal communication. It is ambiguous and under the control of someone else. So what are some of the things we ought to consider if we want to be "attractive" to other individuals.
First, you must have in mind the individuals or groups to which you want to be attractive. To this extent learn as much as possible about those that you want to feel attracted to you. Where are they? How do they dress? How do they move? When are they on display? With the answers to these questions you are able to present yourself at the proper time looking like one of their potential friends/associates and you are doing what they would expect of anyone that might be allowed into their circle.
Keep in mind that everybody is busy, and some more so than others. They may not want to "waste" any time on individuals that don't fit their expectations. In our culture, everybody is busy and they are primarily interested in doing what furthers their goals. Keep their effort to accept you to an absolute minimum. Look, sound, move and act like the folk they have already decided to travel with. Now you will not appear to be a waste of their time.
A bulk of what we have just thought about is non-verbal. Something about which we spend too little time thinking. You can't spend too much time or thought about these non-verbals because they are going to play a major role in 1) who you're going to live with, 2) where you are going to work and 3) how much money you're going to make.
After you've been accepted enough to begin talking to each other you can further define you non-verbals. The only way for you to control the meaning of your non-verbals is over time and with your words. Don't allow others to interpret your non-verbals without a plan or the hope of further definition. Communication is tough. Treat it with respect.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
This Works
So you find yourself, like so many of us, in the middle of an argument (fight) with your significant other. You know that you are “right” and that there is no other position than the one you have taken. Unfortunately, you’re being “right” doesn’t solve the problem. What you need now is a way to say two things at the same time.
There is a way: touch is a fantastic tool. For example, try putting your arms around the significant other and then continue the discussion, or whatever it is. You’ll find that the reassurance of the hug does a great deal to change the tone and feeling of the discussion. It is saying non-verbally, you are part of me and I’m part of you even thought we are tangled in a discussion at the moment. With some of the emotion removed by the reassurance the discussion may not be as damaging.
Even though this method works, as usual it depends on you always being consistent and honest in your relationship. It doesn’t work for those who are apparently untrustworthy. Be trustworthy at all times.
An additional problem: even though you are convinced that you are correct, take into consideration that at one time you thought there was a Santa Claus only to discover that that idea may not be true. So you changed your position on Santa and moved on. In this discussion/fight, you might be incorrect. Consider it. . .there is the possibility that you have overlooked something and your partner is correct.
Being right is valuable. But be certain that you are right before you destroy anything. Listen, ask questions, consider and provide information that you “know to be true.” Keep in mind that communication is a process, just like the rest of your life. Relationships are processes. Treat them like a work in progress and use all your tools: verbal and nonverbal (hugs.)
There is a way: touch is a fantastic tool. For example, try putting your arms around the significant other and then continue the discussion, or whatever it is. You’ll find that the reassurance of the hug does a great deal to change the tone and feeling of the discussion. It is saying non-verbally, you are part of me and I’m part of you even thought we are tangled in a discussion at the moment. With some of the emotion removed by the reassurance the discussion may not be as damaging.
Even though this method works, as usual it depends on you always being consistent and honest in your relationship. It doesn’t work for those who are apparently untrustworthy. Be trustworthy at all times.
An additional problem: even though you are convinced that you are correct, take into consideration that at one time you thought there was a Santa Claus only to discover that that idea may not be true. So you changed your position on Santa and moved on. In this discussion/fight, you might be incorrect. Consider it. . .there is the possibility that you have overlooked something and your partner is correct.
Being right is valuable. But be certain that you are right before you destroy anything. Listen, ask questions, consider and provide information that you “know to be true.” Keep in mind that communication is a process, just like the rest of your life. Relationships are processes. Treat them like a work in progress and use all your tools: verbal and nonverbal (hugs.)
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Communication and Goals
It should be obvious I suppose that our success is almost entirely dependent on communication. But, I think it is easy to imagine that there are other and possibly more important elements that may lead to our success.
Business leaders continue to point out that they need people who are in general capable and are skilled communicators. They can teach you many of the things that you will need to be employed by them, but the communication skills you have are the basis for the relationship.
From the beginnings of our life until we die people around us know things about us because of non-verbal and verbal communications. This awareness allows for the development of relationships. If they are comfortable that we will “fit” or be able to accomplish specific goals then they push us forward in a variety of ways. They make it possible for us to attend schools, gain experiences that will broaden us, habits that will provide the best possible environment for our minds and bodies. It is a social investment in our future.
Sometimes this social investment is made by family members and friends. At other times social investments are made by teachers, coaches and acquaintances. Why would they do such a thing? Because they think it is the right thing to do and other times it plainly selfish: they recognize you capabilities and advance them as much as possible for the rewards spiritual and material that are available.
But, center to this process is our ability to express ourselves (communicate), encouraging the folk around us to make our trip through life as smooth as possible. The lesson we should take from this thought is simple: think about what you are saying non-verbally and verbally as much as you possibly can. Allow others to see in you what you are hoping to accomplish in life or at least the things that you are that might be useful to others.
In short: communicate deliberately and constantly. Another word for this might very well be network.
Business leaders continue to point out that they need people who are in general capable and are skilled communicators. They can teach you many of the things that you will need to be employed by them, but the communication skills you have are the basis for the relationship.
From the beginnings of our life until we die people around us know things about us because of non-verbal and verbal communications. This awareness allows for the development of relationships. If they are comfortable that we will “fit” or be able to accomplish specific goals then they push us forward in a variety of ways. They make it possible for us to attend schools, gain experiences that will broaden us, habits that will provide the best possible environment for our minds and bodies. It is a social investment in our future.
Sometimes this social investment is made by family members and friends. At other times social investments are made by teachers, coaches and acquaintances. Why would they do such a thing? Because they think it is the right thing to do and other times it plainly selfish: they recognize you capabilities and advance them as much as possible for the rewards spiritual and material that are available.
But, center to this process is our ability to express ourselves (communicate), encouraging the folk around us to make our trip through life as smooth as possible. The lesson we should take from this thought is simple: think about what you are saying non-verbally and verbally as much as you possibly can. Allow others to see in you what you are hoping to accomplish in life or at least the things that you are that might be useful to others.
In short: communicate deliberately and constantly. Another word for this might very well be network.
Thursday, January 07, 2010
Keep In Mind
Each of us sets goals. Often that happens at the beginning of a new quarter, new relationship or a new year. Often we fail to reach those goals. The good thing that we have done is set goals. The crazy thing we tend to do is not adjust our lives.
This thought is attributed to Benjamin Franklin: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Clearly, it didn’t work last time, so what has changed that makes us think that this time it will work. Instead, we must make changes.
Those changes very often boil down to time. How much time am I willing to devote to success in this new goal I’ve set? In the case of relationships, how much time am I willing to spend with someone significant in my life. Or am I going to count on increased repetition of the idea that, “Indeed, you are my best friend.”
The KIPP Academy concept of time spent on task has been proven by them to be successful. Their program begins at about 7:30 AM and there are still students on campus at 7 PM. They attend into what most think of as summer vacation time by about a month. And they take the time that is necessary to cover and understand the concepts before them.
One of the problems we all face is an idea that has been buried in our minds. It suggests to us every day that if we can catch on to a new idea quickly, we’re smart and others will see and notice. If it takes quite a bit of time and involves asking questions then we must have been shortchanged in the brain department. Who cares anyway? You are going to live your whole life with you, not the teacher or fellow students. You need the concepts that are before you and so it is important that you do what it takes to understand and retain those concepts.
In addition, it has been my experience that only a handful of times has anyone asked me what grades I got when I was in school, or what schools I attended. Instead, they want to know if I can do the job. Set goals! Make the goals reasonable and attainable. Make the changes necessary, probably more time spent, and reach those goals. It may take me longer to get there following this plan, but when I get there I will have achieved my goal which is success in its own right.
This thought is attributed to Benjamin Franklin: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." Clearly, it didn’t work last time, so what has changed that makes us think that this time it will work. Instead, we must make changes.
Those changes very often boil down to time. How much time am I willing to devote to success in this new goal I’ve set? In the case of relationships, how much time am I willing to spend with someone significant in my life. Or am I going to count on increased repetition of the idea that, “Indeed, you are my best friend.”
The KIPP Academy concept of time spent on task has been proven by them to be successful. Their program begins at about 7:30 AM and there are still students on campus at 7 PM. They attend into what most think of as summer vacation time by about a month. And they take the time that is necessary to cover and understand the concepts before them.
One of the problems we all face is an idea that has been buried in our minds. It suggests to us every day that if we can catch on to a new idea quickly, we’re smart and others will see and notice. If it takes quite a bit of time and involves asking questions then we must have been shortchanged in the brain department. Who cares anyway? You are going to live your whole life with you, not the teacher or fellow students. You need the concepts that are before you and so it is important that you do what it takes to understand and retain those concepts.
In addition, it has been my experience that only a handful of times has anyone asked me what grades I got when I was in school, or what schools I attended. Instead, they want to know if I can do the job. Set goals! Make the goals reasonable and attainable. Make the changes necessary, probably more time spent, and reach those goals. It may take me longer to get there following this plan, but when I get there I will have achieved my goal which is success in its own right.
Saturday, January 02, 2010
Why Be Concerned About Communication
Almost everyone has hopes and dreams that represent the goals we have for our lives. Some of them seem pretty far fetched, but others represent goals that we think we should be able to achieve.
Almost nobody focuses on what it is going to take to reach even the smallest of our goals. Now is the time, if you haven’t started already, to focus on how to achieve your goals.
If you want/need anything what is most often used to satisfy the situation? Communication is the answer. We must communicate with others. Sometimes it is just one other person we communicate with and we call that interpersonal communication. Communication with one other person may very well be the most important form of communication for any of us. It is through this form of communication that we gain friends, lovers, mates, jobs, and meals prepared to our liking.
The more we know about communication the more likely it is that we can achieve long lasting relationships, desirable employment as well as products and services that we request. Many of us can do the simple things in communication such as, “Please pass the salt,” and actually get the salt. That is important. But, far more important is letting someone special know that you think they are special and that you would like to spend time with them. That’s not easy.
That’s the kind of thing that makes the study of communication important. Things like, “I think that I would make an excellent addition to your staff,” said in the proper way becomes extremely important. With things this important we should give ourselves every advantage. That’s why we should all spend as much time as possible learning/improving our communication skills.
Almost nobody focuses on what it is going to take to reach even the smallest of our goals. Now is the time, if you haven’t started already, to focus on how to achieve your goals.
If you want/need anything what is most often used to satisfy the situation? Communication is the answer. We must communicate with others. Sometimes it is just one other person we communicate with and we call that interpersonal communication. Communication with one other person may very well be the most important form of communication for any of us. It is through this form of communication that we gain friends, lovers, mates, jobs, and meals prepared to our liking.
The more we know about communication the more likely it is that we can achieve long lasting relationships, desirable employment as well as products and services that we request. Many of us can do the simple things in communication such as, “Please pass the salt,” and actually get the salt. That is important. But, far more important is letting someone special know that you think they are special and that you would like to spend time with them. That’s not easy.
That’s the kind of thing that makes the study of communication important. Things like, “I think that I would make an excellent addition to your staff,” said in the proper way becomes extremely important. With things this important we should give ourselves every advantage. That’s why we should all spend as much time as possible learning/improving our communication skills.
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Listening Protocol
This is a fairly simple protocol to follow when listening: smile, sit up, listen, ask questions, nod when spoken to and track with your eyes. For most of us this is something that can be accomplished. Look at the elements and think about some of the things that each might accomplish.
Smile
A smile doesn’t seem like much, but it shows recognition of another’s existence and it usually won’t be interpreted as a negative. It may suggest to your mind that understanding this person might be useful making it easier to actually pay attention to what is happening.
Sit Up
This again can be a signal to the other person that you are ready to listen. At the same time it is a signal to yourself that you are about to listen. It also has wide spread implications of body posture. If you are lounging in the sun and you want to demonstrate that you are about to listen, changing your body posture will be a clear signal to all of your refocusing. When an officer enters the presence of soldiers they snap to attention and are thereby ready for any and all orders that might be given.
Ask Questions
OK, so in the military there isn’t a lot of question asking. But, the very fact that they are in the military suggests that the next communication may be extremely important and they might have to act on it immediately. In regular everyday social situations the topics are very likely going to be varied. To be certain that you are “on the same page” as the person doing the communicating, it only makes sense to ask questions about terms and context not currently and clearly understood. Asking questions also reassures the communicator that you are listening, and that you feel understanding is importance.
Nod When Being Spoken To
If you nod you can reassure the communicator that you are indeed listening, seeking to understand and if appropriate, act. A nod is a nonverbal statement being made by you that “we are engaged” in a conversation and with the addition of “ask questions” give the communicator every reason to believe that there can be a meeting of minds or at least further discussion. There is a very wide range of nonverbal communications we can use to participate while listening.
Track With Your Eyes
If, as the listener, you can use nonverbal communication in response to what is being communicated, then it only makes sense that the communicator is “saying” much more than the words your ears can hear. If you aren’t watching the speaker, you miss out on much of what is being said. That’s why so many Moms have insisted that we “look at me when I’m talking to you.” If our eyes are wandering about, then there is an excellent chance that our minds are as well.
If we were to attempt to incorporate this SSLANT protocol into our lives right now and follow it for a couple of weeks we would be astounded at the impact is has on our lives. If you’re already employed there is a very good chance that you wont’ be cut in the next round of layoffs. If there are no layoffs, you may be the one that gets the promotion/raise. That can’t be all bad. In your social/home life you will find that there are fewer “misunderstandings” and maybe even more surprising, more agreements.
Listening is very hard work. Give this a try and see if it improves you life.
Smile
A smile doesn’t seem like much, but it shows recognition of another’s existence and it usually won’t be interpreted as a negative. It may suggest to your mind that understanding this person might be useful making it easier to actually pay attention to what is happening.
Sit Up
This again can be a signal to the other person that you are ready to listen. At the same time it is a signal to yourself that you are about to listen. It also has wide spread implications of body posture. If you are lounging in the sun and you want to demonstrate that you are about to listen, changing your body posture will be a clear signal to all of your refocusing. When an officer enters the presence of soldiers they snap to attention and are thereby ready for any and all orders that might be given.
Ask Questions
OK, so in the military there isn’t a lot of question asking. But, the very fact that they are in the military suggests that the next communication may be extremely important and they might have to act on it immediately. In regular everyday social situations the topics are very likely going to be varied. To be certain that you are “on the same page” as the person doing the communicating, it only makes sense to ask questions about terms and context not currently and clearly understood. Asking questions also reassures the communicator that you are listening, and that you feel understanding is importance.
Nod When Being Spoken To
If you nod you can reassure the communicator that you are indeed listening, seeking to understand and if appropriate, act. A nod is a nonverbal statement being made by you that “we are engaged” in a conversation and with the addition of “ask questions” give the communicator every reason to believe that there can be a meeting of minds or at least further discussion. There is a very wide range of nonverbal communications we can use to participate while listening.
Track With Your Eyes
If, as the listener, you can use nonverbal communication in response to what is being communicated, then it only makes sense that the communicator is “saying” much more than the words your ears can hear. If you aren’t watching the speaker, you miss out on much of what is being said. That’s why so many Moms have insisted that we “look at me when I’m talking to you.” If our eyes are wandering about, then there is an excellent chance that our minds are as well.
If we were to attempt to incorporate this SSLANT protocol into our lives right now and follow it for a couple of weeks we would be astounded at the impact is has on our lives. If you’re already employed there is a very good chance that you wont’ be cut in the next round of layoffs. If there are no layoffs, you may be the one that gets the promotion/raise. That can’t be all bad. In your social/home life you will find that there are fewer “misunderstandings” and maybe even more surprising, more agreements.
Listening is very hard work. Give this a try and see if it improves you life.
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Listening Better
The KIPP Academy teaches their students a process that would be wise for everyone to follow: SSLANT. The letters stand for: smile, sit up, listen, ask questions, nod when being spoken to and track with your eyes. If you think about it, what this lesson is teaching is the art of listening. If you follow SSLANT as much as possible you will be headed in the direction of skilled listening.
It really makes no difference who originates the communication, since everyone involved in the communication should be following the same six (6) concepts at all times in order to show proper respect and to properly understand the communication. Members of an audience, where possible and reasonable, can follow the rules and in conversations with your children, significant other, boss and/or fellow employees as well.
Paul Luvera writes in an online column, Plaintiff Trial Lawyer Tips: KIPP students “. . . are taught a protocol called SSLANT. It stands for: smile, sit up, listen, ask questions, nod when being spoken to and track with your eyes. I thought of jury selection where SSLANT would be a very good rule for trial lawyers who do a generally bad job by interrupting, not listening and looking like they are angry.”
Outliers: The Story of Success, a book written by Malcolm Gladwell makes reference to many ideas in his book that sets your mind off in new and stimulating directions. Gladwell points out that the students at the KIPP Academy were chosen to attend by randomn. Put another way, this concept will very likely work for any one of us. We all should give it a try.
It really makes no difference who originates the communication, since everyone involved in the communication should be following the same six (6) concepts at all times in order to show proper respect and to properly understand the communication. Members of an audience, where possible and reasonable, can follow the rules and in conversations with your children, significant other, boss and/or fellow employees as well.
Paul Luvera writes in an online column, Plaintiff Trial Lawyer Tips: KIPP students “. . . are taught a protocol called SSLANT. It stands for: smile, sit up, listen, ask questions, nod when being spoken to and track with your eyes. I thought of jury selection where SSLANT would be a very good rule for trial lawyers who do a generally bad job by interrupting, not listening and looking like they are angry.”
Outliers: The Story of Success, a book written by Malcolm Gladwell makes reference to many ideas in his book that sets your mind off in new and stimulating directions. Gladwell points out that the students at the KIPP Academy were chosen to attend by randomn. Put another way, this concept will very likely work for any one of us. We all should give it a try.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Thoughtfully Say What You Mean
In his book Outliers, Malcolm Gladwell defined mitigated speech as “any attempt to downplay or sugarcoat the meaning of what is being said.” (page 194) It turns out that this is a very important idea. It affects us everyday and it can make a very big difference in our attempts to succeed.
In Outliers, Gladwell talks about commercial air accidents and traces the cause of many of them to mitigated speech. For example, it appears that rank, position and culture may play a serious role flying commercials airliners. It appears that when the Captain of the aircraft is not actually flying the plane but a secondary pilot is, there is a reduced chance of an accident. It is not experience as a pilot, but rather the willingness to speak out about situations which might contribute to a crash. The Captain is comfortable in giving an order, whereas the subordinate is nervous about speaking out. The pilot that is second in command may not want to over step his position and tends to mitigate his speech.
Political correctness may also fall into this category. Instead of saying what the situation appears to be the speaker may “downplay or sugarcoat the meaning of what is being said.” In another very important area, interpersonal relationships, the same thing might happen.
Without clarity on the issues at hand, we are going to have a difficult time solving problems which will get in the way of our reaching our goals. Mitigated speech in a marriage, for example, might have a spouse making quiet suggestions in the background of everyday life. The person the suggestions were aimed at might not perceive them as being applicable or important. Later under stressful circumstances the spouse counting on mitigated speech to correct the situation may simply abandon anything approaching sugarcoating and both parties my find themselves in a full blown “war” of words. "You never listen to me. I've been trying to tell you for months. You just don't care."
Damage done to the interpersonal relationship will never be forgotten and it may cause the whole relationship to eventually collapse. Harmful confrontations might be avoided if we were to spend more time learning/practicing saying clearly and in a nonjudgmental way things that need to be said, rather than leaning on mitigated speech to solve the problem.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
How Can They Know?
When you want something you ask for it. If the other person is willing you receive what you asked for. That seems simple enough. But, when we begin to look at what is happening all around us we realize that there is something very wrong with our communications.
On the personal level there seems to be a growing problem: it comes out something like this.
"You knew what I meant. You just didn't want to do it."
Since everything you know is inside your brain, and everything they know is inside their brain, how could you possibly "know" unless they told you? Herein lies the problem: none of us are taking the time to do the things that are necessary to understand each other. Some of these things are:
1) listen
2) check to see if what you heard is what they think they said
3) think about your position
4) choose your words and actions with care
5) deliver those words with as much care as possible to assure proper interpretation.
So much for the idea that clear and concise communication is simple. But, there are things that we can do that will improve our chances. Listen with care. Avoid doing and thinking about other things while the other person is attempting to communicate with you. That may mean that you have to find a place that is quiet with fewer distractions. One example, turn off your cell phone and put it out of sight.
Analyze what you think you have just heard. Consider it. Then put the content into your own words and ask something like this: "Would I be correct in assuming that you. . ." If they confirm that you seem to understand what they said begin to construct your response. That is not a normal human characteristic. Instead we usually think, "I know what you're going to say and I feel. . ." If you are lucky you are sometimes correct about the idea you think you're about to hear. If you are normal, you're wrong.
Once you have a handle on what they think they said and you have formed a response, choose your words and actions with care. Deliver those words with great care and watch for the response from the other person. If the reaction isn't what you expected, examine what they might have done with what you said and make immediate repairs.
I know what you're thinking and I might be right: this whole thing is very time consuming. Correct. Effective communication takes time. The idea that we can do it all in life is just plain wrong. We can only some it effectively. Slow down, listen, consider and then respond.
On the personal level there seems to be a growing problem: it comes out something like this.
"You knew what I meant. You just didn't want to do it."
Since everything you know is inside your brain, and everything they know is inside their brain, how could you possibly "know" unless they told you? Herein lies the problem: none of us are taking the time to do the things that are necessary to understand each other. Some of these things are:
1) listen
2) check to see if what you heard is what they think they said
3) think about your position
4) choose your words and actions with care
5) deliver those words with as much care as possible to assure proper interpretation.
So much for the idea that clear and concise communication is simple. But, there are things that we can do that will improve our chances. Listen with care. Avoid doing and thinking about other things while the other person is attempting to communicate with you. That may mean that you have to find a place that is quiet with fewer distractions. One example, turn off your cell phone and put it out of sight.
Analyze what you think you have just heard. Consider it. Then put the content into your own words and ask something like this: "Would I be correct in assuming that you. . ." If they confirm that you seem to understand what they said begin to construct your response. That is not a normal human characteristic. Instead we usually think, "I know what you're going to say and I feel. . ." If you are lucky you are sometimes correct about the idea you think you're about to hear. If you are normal, you're wrong.
Once you have a handle on what they think they said and you have formed a response, choose your words and actions with care. Deliver those words with great care and watch for the response from the other person. If the reaction isn't what you expected, examine what they might have done with what you said and make immediate repairs.
I know what you're thinking and I might be right: this whole thing is very time consuming. Correct. Effective communication takes time. The idea that we can do it all in life is just plain wrong. We can only some it effectively. Slow down, listen, consider and then respond.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Communication Skills Elements
When speakers/communicators are being considered there are at least two skills that are of concern: writing and speaking. Although those aren't the only methods to communicate they are two of the most common. Those have to do with our abilities to encode messages into some form for transmission. If we are thinking of audiences in traditional terms then there are two additional skills that involve decoding. We decode by reading and listening. These ideas are clearly discussed by David Berlo in his book, The Process of Communication.
Before successful communication takes place we experience thought or reasoning. This step is necessary for both the writer/speaker and the reader/listener. These elements deserve our thought and attention if we hope to be able to communicate what we intend to and be understood by any audience.
It makes sense then, that we constantly improve our writing and speaking abilities and that we spend considerable time and focus on the reasoning we use and expect the listener to be able to follow. If this were an easy process, then nearly everyone would be successful communicators.
Before successful communication takes place we experience thought or reasoning. This step is necessary for both the writer/speaker and the reader/listener. These elements deserve our thought and attention if we hope to be able to communicate what we intend to and be understood by any audience.
It makes sense then, that we constantly improve our writing and speaking abilities and that we spend considerable time and focus on the reasoning we use and expect the listener to be able to follow. If this were an easy process, then nearly everyone would be successful communicators.
Wednesday, April 08, 2009
Keep This In Mind
If we mean by the term communication the perfect reproduction of a thought in our mind in another mind, then communication is impossible.
Why? Some simple but important reasons. We are all different, have had different experiences, lived in different places and that makes the elements of messages, such as words and gestures, different from other minds. The differences make it impossible to say anything and have that idea perfectly reflected in another mind.
Communication is tough and deserves our full and continuous attention.
Why? Some simple but important reasons. We are all different, have had different experiences, lived in different places and that makes the elements of messages, such as words and gestures, different from other minds. The differences make it impossible to say anything and have that idea perfectly reflected in another mind.
Communication is tough and deserves our full and continuous attention.
Monday, April 06, 2009
Source Fidelity Challenges
When you are attempting to communicate you are faced with a number of challenges, which you can minimize. According to David Berlo there are at least four (4) considerations.
The following describes factors that are within the source of the communication which can be used to increase the fidelity of the communication and are discussed in The Process of Communicaiton:
"1) communication skills,
2) attitudes,
3) knowldege base and
4) position within a social-cultural system."
Communication skills--the more we know about and have at our disposal various skills the more likely that we will be successful in communicating. That includes a wide range of things such as the correct use of language: vocabulary and structure, control over the channel(s) being used to communicate, and familiarity with the audience.
Most of those skills teachers have tried to help us improve over the years. They have to this point had an impact, but have not necessarily achieved perfection. That is something we will have to work on as long as we are alive. That may come as bad news to any of us who have been looking forward to being finished with our education. The only thing that will finish our education will be death. First professional teachers attempt to teach us then we are expected to take over the task ourselves.
Attitudes--long before we could make any judgments about the usefulness of the concepts we were being taught, out brains were acquiring data which we had no reason to mistrust. Some of it was wrong and some just plain wrong headed. Now when we become aware of the basic body of knowledge and the possibility that it may have some flaws our task becomes the retraining of our brains and that will also take the rest of our lives.
Attitudes affect everything we do or say. They aid us in deciding who to talk to and who not to talk to as well as what should be said and what might be better left unsaid. Attitudes like our first instruction in language is likely to be at variance with our current beliefs and require our attention and alteration to fit what we currently believe. That is not likely to be easy.
Knowledge base--the things we learn, the contexts of our learning and the use to which we have put that learning all work together to build a professional knowledge base. The social and spiritual knowledge base will come through experience as well. Keep in mind that the careful choice of friends and associates will aid you greatly in forming successful and meaningful knowledge bases.
Formal education, classes taught in schools, can be very helpful. But, informal education is also very useful and should be planned out just as carefully over the course of a well planned life.
Position within a social-cultural system--this has an inordinate control over the breadth and types of experiences that will be readily available to you. If you appear to be a "safe" person to include within a particular social-cultural system you will be allowed to participate and learn. If on the other hand, you are not allowed to actively participate you will have to find a way around the barriers you have discovered. For example, women in the business world have found it difficult to be allowed to enter the spaces where critical education takes place which might allow them to rise with the business world.
First thing to notice is that you can increase your control over your communications and that it will most definitely affect your control over your own environment. It is not simply "be nice, and everything will be provided to you."
The following describes factors that are within the source of the communication which can be used to increase the fidelity of the communication and are discussed in The Process of Communicaiton:
"1) communication skills,
2) attitudes,
3) knowldege base and
4) position within a social-cultural system."
Communication skills--the more we know about and have at our disposal various skills the more likely that we will be successful in communicating. That includes a wide range of things such as the correct use of language: vocabulary and structure, control over the channel(s) being used to communicate, and familiarity with the audience.
Most of those skills teachers have tried to help us improve over the years. They have to this point had an impact, but have not necessarily achieved perfection. That is something we will have to work on as long as we are alive. That may come as bad news to any of us who have been looking forward to being finished with our education. The only thing that will finish our education will be death. First professional teachers attempt to teach us then we are expected to take over the task ourselves.
Attitudes--long before we could make any judgments about the usefulness of the concepts we were being taught, out brains were acquiring data which we had no reason to mistrust. Some of it was wrong and some just plain wrong headed. Now when we become aware of the basic body of knowledge and the possibility that it may have some flaws our task becomes the retraining of our brains and that will also take the rest of our lives.
Attitudes affect everything we do or say. They aid us in deciding who to talk to and who not to talk to as well as what should be said and what might be better left unsaid. Attitudes like our first instruction in language is likely to be at variance with our current beliefs and require our attention and alteration to fit what we currently believe. That is not likely to be easy.
Knowledge base--the things we learn, the contexts of our learning and the use to which we have put that learning all work together to build a professional knowledge base. The social and spiritual knowledge base will come through experience as well. Keep in mind that the careful choice of friends and associates will aid you greatly in forming successful and meaningful knowledge bases.
Formal education, classes taught in schools, can be very helpful. But, informal education is also very useful and should be planned out just as carefully over the course of a well planned life.
Position within a social-cultural system--this has an inordinate control over the breadth and types of experiences that will be readily available to you. If you appear to be a "safe" person to include within a particular social-cultural system you will be allowed to participate and learn. If on the other hand, you are not allowed to actively participate you will have to find a way around the barriers you have discovered. For example, women in the business world have found it difficult to be allowed to enter the spaces where critical education takes place which might allow them to rise with the business world.
First thing to notice is that you can increase your control over your communications and that it will most definitely affect your control over your own environment. It is not simply "be nice, and everything will be provided to you."
Friday, April 03, 2009
Communicating
Aristotle said that there are three (3) ingredients in communication:
1) speaker,
2) speech and
3) listener.
Correct or not, these are useful concepts. First, look at the speaker. The following questions should help us understand what we do and then help us to use them in our attempts at communication.
1) Who are you? We should have a constantly improving idea of who we are and what we can do. That self-concept will never be fully accurate, but like our lives is a work in progress. The answer to that question emerges the widest possible range of influences. The answer includes such things as where, when and how we were born. It also looks at our cumulative lives and everything that happened to us along the way . . . our experiences. This awareness is extremely important to our futures. One of the best possible reasons for choosing our friends carefully and then maintaining those friends, because it is through them that we gain wisdom about who we are.
They won't know who we are unless someone tells them. That impacts anything and everything you say and do. In a speech for example, you must answer the question almost never asked out loud: "Why should I listen to what you have to say?" Find a way to give the folk listening the answer to that question.
2) Who do they think you are? You can add to their knowledge base by telling them directly and indirectly who you are. The kinds of experiences have you had, when and where. How you know what you know and how you learned it. In a small community many of the folk you are talking to will have "a fairly good idea" of who you are because of previous knowledge and experiences with you and folk who know you.
Now, take a look at the audience.
3) Who are they? The more you know about those to whom you are speaking the more likely you can influence what and how they think. Extremely important in this situation is information needed by the listener which they can use to allow themselves to listen and learn without being embarrassed later. After trusting themselves to listen and they have learned things they value from you, they can use the knowledge with others who will recognize the value and importance of what they have learned through listening. In other words, the listener not caught being gullible by folk they talk to because the information they have learned appears to be accurate and useful. In short, the speaker appears to them to be a trustworthy, intelligent person with specific knowledge than can be safely used. Aristotle referred this experience as ethos, or what you appear to others to be.
4) Who do they think they are? Be aware that individuals believe themselves to be bright and capable and have enough self-respect to distinguish useful from non-useful information. They "live in a free country" and have every right to think about what happened last night or what they are going to be doing later. They believe they have a right to use what you say to appear to be brighter and better informed than they really are. They believe that they are important. Treat them with respect.
Now look at the speech. A speech is information couched in terms that are easily understood and recalled by the listener. It represents the best of what you have experienced, know and recently learned about the topic. The topic is often determined by those who have requested that you address them. That is useful. Under these circumstance there is every indication that your ethos, who you appear to be, is already positive. If you speak to them using language that they are familiar with and understand, then they can listen and recall later what you have said. Your task is to make the topic easy to recall, therefore use.
Clearly then, you must know who you are addressing. Demographic data, such as age, sex, socio-economic status, etc. are useful. If you can add information which overlaps a bulk of the audience because of common knowledge and experiences, you will have bridged much of the gap.
Jumbled information isn't easy to understand or retain. Put your information into a package that seems to belong in that form. This will be a great aid to those listening and later when they are attempting to recall. In other words, organize the information in a form which fits the audience.
The listener--those who have come to hear what you have to say. Make it easy for them to feel like they are part of an enlarged conversation. Use the tone, words and phrases that a conversation would use. Watch the individuals while you are talking to them. From the look on their faces can they hear and understand you. If you are not looking at them they can't give you that information. They don't really care if you make a mistake. Fix it and move on. Don't make a federal case out of it, that certainly isn't what they want.
The more ways they can experience what you are saying the more easily it is understood and retained. Use audio-visual aids whenever possible.
If all of us were to review these ideas before we begin the process of speech preparation we would be nervous, but not dangerously fearful. Our audience would be at ease and open to ideas that they can use. Ideas and actions that are important would receive proper consideration.
1) speaker,
2) speech and
3) listener.
Correct or not, these are useful concepts. First, look at the speaker. The following questions should help us understand what we do and then help us to use them in our attempts at communication.
1) Who are you? We should have a constantly improving idea of who we are and what we can do. That self-concept will never be fully accurate, but like our lives is a work in progress. The answer to that question emerges the widest possible range of influences. The answer includes such things as where, when and how we were born. It also looks at our cumulative lives and everything that happened to us along the way . . . our experiences. This awareness is extremely important to our futures. One of the best possible reasons for choosing our friends carefully and then maintaining those friends, because it is through them that we gain wisdom about who we are.
They won't know who we are unless someone tells them. That impacts anything and everything you say and do. In a speech for example, you must answer the question almost never asked out loud: "Why should I listen to what you have to say?" Find a way to give the folk listening the answer to that question.
2) Who do they think you are? You can add to their knowledge base by telling them directly and indirectly who you are. The kinds of experiences have you had, when and where. How you know what you know and how you learned it. In a small community many of the folk you are talking to will have "a fairly good idea" of who you are because of previous knowledge and experiences with you and folk who know you.
Now, take a look at the audience.
3) Who are they? The more you know about those to whom you are speaking the more likely you can influence what and how they think. Extremely important in this situation is information needed by the listener which they can use to allow themselves to listen and learn without being embarrassed later. After trusting themselves to listen and they have learned things they value from you, they can use the knowledge with others who will recognize the value and importance of what they have learned through listening. In other words, the listener not caught being gullible by folk they talk to because the information they have learned appears to be accurate and useful. In short, the speaker appears to them to be a trustworthy, intelligent person with specific knowledge than can be safely used. Aristotle referred this experience as ethos, or what you appear to others to be.
4) Who do they think they are? Be aware that individuals believe themselves to be bright and capable and have enough self-respect to distinguish useful from non-useful information. They "live in a free country" and have every right to think about what happened last night or what they are going to be doing later. They believe they have a right to use what you say to appear to be brighter and better informed than they really are. They believe that they are important. Treat them with respect.
Now look at the speech. A speech is information couched in terms that are easily understood and recalled by the listener. It represents the best of what you have experienced, know and recently learned about the topic. The topic is often determined by those who have requested that you address them. That is useful. Under these circumstance there is every indication that your ethos, who you appear to be, is already positive. If you speak to them using language that they are familiar with and understand, then they can listen and recall later what you have said. Your task is to make the topic easy to recall, therefore use.
Clearly then, you must know who you are addressing. Demographic data, such as age, sex, socio-economic status, etc. are useful. If you can add information which overlaps a bulk of the audience because of common knowledge and experiences, you will have bridged much of the gap.
Jumbled information isn't easy to understand or retain. Put your information into a package that seems to belong in that form. This will be a great aid to those listening and later when they are attempting to recall. In other words, organize the information in a form which fits the audience.
The listener--those who have come to hear what you have to say. Make it easy for them to feel like they are part of an enlarged conversation. Use the tone, words and phrases that a conversation would use. Watch the individuals while you are talking to them. From the look on their faces can they hear and understand you. If you are not looking at them they can't give you that information. They don't really care if you make a mistake. Fix it and move on. Don't make a federal case out of it, that certainly isn't what they want.
The more ways they can experience what you are saying the more easily it is understood and retained. Use audio-visual aids whenever possible.
If all of us were to review these ideas before we begin the process of speech preparation we would be nervous, but not dangerously fearful. Our audience would be at ease and open to ideas that they can use. Ideas and actions that are important would receive proper consideration.
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