Time Is Always A Problem

When we're doing things we enjoy time seems to fly by and when we're doing things we don't enjoy time often seems to drag. If you're going to become really good at listening you probably are going to have to change the way you feel about concentrating on what other people are trying to say to you.

It takes time, energy, ability to concentrate and a willingness to set aside your own concerns and problems to consider what someone is trying to say to you. It will also have some unique frustrations. Since very few of us spend a lot of time with people who really listen to what we're saying it often comes as a surprise that someone is actually listening to what you have to say. As a consequence, many of us haven't really thought about what we want others to hear, know and understand. So when someone really listens we find ourselves saying things like, "Well, what I think I mean is. . ." That's bad training for everybody. The listener knows that they have wasted their time and you feel foolish, because you don't even appear to know what you're thinking.

Its a two way street and both of you need to work on listening. When you're listening you're not trying to formulate what you're going to say to the person who is talking. Instead, you're seeking to understand what they are saying, why they are saying it and what they hope to accomplish by saying it. Once you have that under control you are in a better position to think about what they have said. Now your task is to think about what you're going to say, if anything. Sometimes listening is all that is necessary. But, if more is needed, now you have a solid idea of what is necessary. Take your time and respond in a thoughtful and appropriate manner.

That's the stuff friendships are built on, but it doesn't come naturally. It comes with thought, fitness, willingness and practice. Give it a try.

Our Culture And Time

Effective communication takes time. Our culture appears to value doing things quickly. "Time is money.” "Don't waste time." There are many more ideas that we are taught by our culture which implies that whatever we're doing it probably would be done better if it is done quickly.

Of course, we can think of things that we don't want to end, things that we enjoy. But, for most things the pressure is in the direction of quicker is better. But, in most cases, effective communication needs time. It is important to take time to listen, for example. We're so impatient that we try to multi-task everything. Drive a car in traffic while talking to someone on our cell phone, often ignoring the person you asked to come along on the trip. We think nothing of that kind of behavior.

To be effective at listening we're going to have to make time. We're also going to have to realize that multi-tasking is dangerous when trying to solve a problem with your boss or mate. You're not wasting time when you take time to listen.

Communication Is Difficult

In some areas we pride ourselves on being different from others. In fact, we try to create a style for ourselves. Some go further and tattoo and pierce themselves which clearly creates a distinctive identity. Probably more important than the distinctions we make between ourselves and others physically are those that are part of us. Those differences that are a result of who are parents are , where we were born and what experiences we've had, are must more important.

Sometimes we're tempted to not listen to others because we know what we would be doing or thinking by just hearing what they are saying. We can't safely think that we know what others are thinking and saying without careful listening. Because we are different in how we mean, we must first determine how "they mean" before we decide we know what they are saying. In our busy world, we just don't take the time to do what is necessary.

Make time to listen. Determine "how they mean" and then consider your response. Without careful listening, we are part of the problem. First, give yourself the chance to know. Then consider who you are, and who they think you are before responding. Things might go better.

More Division

Back. . .after a long break.

Still see the things that divide us in huge numbers. Somebody has got to make a move toward some goals that everybody can get behind. At this point we see ads for T-shirts that want us to wear our colors proudly. Thus making "the other side" hate us on sight. We have to really get serious about building common ground for my future and the future of my grand kids.

More Evidence Today

In today's New York Times some additional evidence is spelled out on the split in the United States. By itself the split is alarming, due to the lack of meaningful discussion between the sides. But if we look at what other humans do when there is a split similar to the intensity of the United States', we may have real cause for concern.

As a nation after this election we united behind a single candidate. As doubts, officially unchallenged, continue, suspicion grows and we might even see the same conditions here at home that we see in Ukraine. We can't afford to do nothing. We must begin the dialogue and then maintain it.

A Nation Divided

Seldom have we lived in a nation so divided. We had hoped that President Bush would be able to pull us together, but since he has taken office, with the exception of the 9/11 period the division has grown. During the election there was little or no contact between sides on the issues. Instead, we had televised speeches being made to audiences that already agreed among themselves and with the speaker.

What we have lacked in our politics we need to restore to our society: free and open discussion of issues that face us all. When have we ever noticed that a couple, for example, has grown closer because they didn't speak to each other about the issues that divide them? Not discussing issues between us will likely lead to suspision and mistrust. As a nation we are now seeing deep suspisions and mistrust. The buzz on the internet is constantly commenting and speculating about the evils the other side has committed.

The issues that face this nation, faces us all. We will either solve them together of continue to drift apart. Encourage discussion and debate in your own circles of influence. When there is disagreement think of it as an opportunity to grow towards common goals. Keep in mind, conflict is normal in humans. The resolution of the conflict is the progress we make in our lives.

". . .The Enemy Is Us"

There's much that's good about the United States. One of the things that made this country great is the citizen's willingness and ability to discuss/debate topics of interest to all our communities. There seems to be a growing feeling that in order to avoid conflict, we should avoid discussing/debating the issues of the day, especially when that involves politics. We need to continue this honored routine in our lives. We must use all devices available to improve our views of both the problems and the possible solutions. We can't do it by ourselves, we need each other.

The methods being used in politics today reduce very complicated issues to slogans. Then both sides imply that there is something basically wrong with you, and all your friends, if you don't agree with the slogans. We must insist that the slogans be fleshed out, made clear and applied in discussion. We must all understand what is going on and we must let others know if we think we see a better solution. This method made this country great. We must continue or we will lose or damage our ability to self-govern. Don't make decisions based on unnecessarily limited data and broaden your base of research and discussion, always seeking a broader understanding of the topic at hand.

How can it be that more than 70% of our population indicates that they believe that there are/were weapons of mass destruction in Iraq and that there was a direct pre-war relationship between Al Quada and Iraq. And yet, where is the data that backs up that belief? We cannot afford the luxury of being swayed by anything other than available data. Then we must use that data to guide our discussions/debates as we attempt to govern ourselves.

Interpersonal Communication Most Important

In the chapter, Understanding Interpersonal Communication, Beebe, Beebe and Ivy give insight into the role of communication in building relationships. There are many sources for this kind of information available and the broader your knowledge base the more likely you will have information that will aid you in reaching your goals.

This book, "he's just not that into you," is plain spoken and easy to read. For some, the authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tucillo will have some insights that may fit the conditions in which you live. Rather than waste time on relationships that aren't going anywhere, learn to recognize where it may be wiser to spend your time and energy. Avoid becoming dependent on anyone who finds you merely convenient. Look for someone who shares your idea of what your relationship should be and spend your time and energy there.

Like The Air We Breath. . .

With a few and occasional exceptions, we are accustomed to how we sound when we talk. We travel with friends and family and their language patterns and sounds are familiar to us. Once in a while we run into someone who wants to know, "Where are you from?" They know we're not from "around here" because they hear it. Its in these transitions of life that our language trips us up and often we don't even know it.

For example, in a job interview, our language reveals that we have at least two standards for people in general: male and female. Human Resource personnel must try to hire the best people who will be the best fit for their organization. They will be listening for not only what you say, but how you say it. They don't want to have any problems within their organization and some problems can be avoided by not hiring people who routinely speak of the opposite sex in a negative manner.

The person being interviewed is simply saying "what everybody knows and believes." Your language has given your position away and you may not get the position you want/need because you were unaware that people can and do read between the lines. It is very likely that you don't even know why the Human Resource Director decided you weren't a "good fit" for their corporation.

The fear most employers have when they hear bad language is missed or misinterpreted communications on the job. Grammar is the method we use to control the number of possible interpretations of what we are saying. If our grammar is sloppy the outcomes may not be predictable.

The folk we travel with most of the time probably are not viewed by us as having an accent. Its only when you get out of your usual environment that others say, "Where are you from? I think I hear an accent in your voice." That example applies to many things, including the cultures in which we are raised. It certainly applies to the environment of most Human resource offices. The more aware of who you are and how you appear and sound the greater the probability that you will be hired.

There are some excellent resources available to you on job interviews. Take some time and begin working on this problem while you have time. When you're sitting in the interview it may be too late. (The links are just two examples of what is available to anyone interested.)

Self-Awareness Needs Attention

In the book Communication: Principles for a lifetime, there is a discussion of self-awareness. It quotes Stephen Covey saying, that self-awareness ". . .allows us to stand apart and examine even the way we 'see' ourselves--our self-paradigm, the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness. It affects not only our attitudes and behaviors, but also how we see other people."

The suggestion here is that time spent thinking and developing knowledge in this area will indeed help us to better understand and control our growth as a person. You don't have to depend on chance, or any other source of your own identity, to understand and control your own development.

Change The Future

One of the most important prizes awarded to any US President is the right to shape the future. If you pass laws, the next president can change them. If they create alliances, the next administration can violate them. But, in the area of the US Supreme Court you can make appointments to the bench that will affect the next 20 years of history. If you feel strongly about a candidate for president you must vote or not complain about the things that happen to you and your country over the next couple of decades.

Robert Cohan writes about the future and the past and the relationship between the president of the United States and what the court decides this country will do. Its good to remind ourselves that our participation in this democracy does make a difference.

Big And Few

Ownership of electronic media, radio and TV, has been concentrated over the past decade. Because of the possibility of great profits, corporations have invested huge amounts of money. The Federal Communications Commission (FCC) has allowed increasing concentration of electronic media ownership and the Chairman of the FCC, Michael K. Powell, continues to push for greater ownership concentration. That concentration (at the bottom of this link) has a chilling affect on most who see the ownership expressed graphically. The implications are clear.

If a few wanted to swing the opinions, or votes of many, what would it take for America to head in the direction desired by the big and few that own much of the electronic media. Its worth considering. What should happen? There should be open consideration of our condition and debate about what is good for America as well as what is good for those investing in America. We need to know what Bush and Kerry think about this situation. Then we might have a clearer idea of what to do with our vote.

What Competition?

I have "conservative" friends who are constantly touting the great blessing we have in the United States of competition for our dollars. I have increasingly wondered where the competition was that they were talking about. I do see competition for market share. I don't see innovation and serious competition of product or ideas until every last cent has been squeezed from the earlier research and development. So, other parts of the earth have products which are years ahead of us in the United States. They have services that are fast and useful, such as broadband. Recently Wired News shared a bit of info with us that further confuses me when it comes to the current definition of competition.

What Has Happened To Republicans?

Not too long ago, Republicans were folk who were "right" much of the time. Folk you could trust and appreciate. Recently, Garrison Keillor wrote down some ideas that really ring true. The question that keeps coming to mind is, where has America gone. It seems to me that they used to be informed, think well and speak out. Now, it seems they don't know what's going on and if they do, they don't care.

Some Excellent Journalism

There have been examples of good journalism this past few months and this is an article that merits attention. Often, in face of very powerful people and administrations, the product that we have come to call news isn't what it ought to be. When we have little or bad information, " government by the people" becomes dangerous. When general citizens vote without accurate information our future is in doubt.

Conglomerates and Safe News

How safe is any democracy where a few control our information?

The New York Times for June 24, along with many newspapers in the United States, reported that “A federal appeals court on Thursday dealt a setback to the nation's largest media companies by ordering the Federal Communications Commission to reconsider the rules it issued last summer, easing the way for them to grow and enter new markets.”

The Bush administration, with its “what’s good for business is good for the nation” philosophy had hoped to make ownership of broadcast facilities even easier than it is now. So the New York Times reporter suggested “The decision was also a setback for the Bush administration, which supported easing the ownership limitations, and for Michael K. Powell, the chairman of the commission and the main architect of the new rules.” This trend toward fewer owners of communications media have “allowed companies to own as many as three television stations, eight radio stations and a cable operator, as well as a newspaper.”

My concern continues to be the concentration of ownership of all media, but in particular, the electronic media. Almost everyone in the United States listens to the radio at least once each week. The same thing is true about watching TV. If just a few corporations own a bulk of the electronic media, the temptation to present lopsided information may be too great to resist. These owners are already adept at presenting what the audience wants to see and wants hear. If, for any reason, the owners want to present politics, law, current events and world affairs in the same "unworrisome" packaging . . . presenting programming that is desirable to very large audiences, an unaware audience might be deceived. If the people of the nation believe that they really know what is going on in the world and they are not aware of how a few owners control a bulk of the mass media, they may be in for a rude surprise.

It is clear that we must use every resource to provide ourselves with a balanced view of the world we live in and avoid being swept along by those more interested in profits than accurate and balanced information or freedoms.

Enrons of the Future?

Enrons of the Future?

Bernard Wasow, Martha Paskoff
The Century Foundation, 6/18/04

An overlooked but important new study has uncovered yet another ingenious sleight-of-hand that top executives have been using to enrich themselves at the expense of their employees. The report by three economists—Daniel Bergstresser and Mihir Desai of the Harvard Business School and Joshua Rauh of MIT— provides evidence that CEOs systematically manipulate their employees' pension funds for their own personal gain.

http://tinyurl.com/ysqyf

Let's Rethink Brains

When I was young, it bothered me a lot that my parents didn’t think that I could be trusted to reason through situations safely and properly. After all, how are you going to learn to think and reason unless you are allowed to do it on a regular basis? Now some recent research is coming together that is beginning to explain why my parents were so uncomfortable with my youthful reasoning. Now that I’ve lived through that time in my life and watched my children live through that time, this research makes a lot of sense.

The first paragraph of an article entitled "Getting Inside a Teen Brain" in Newsweek, February 28, 2000, Sharon Begley spells out the observable data. “You probably recognize the species: it's known for making stupid decisions... barely able to plan beyond the next minute... clueless when it comes to reading parents' facial expressions... exhibits poor self-control... seems to think with its hormones more than its brain... all thumbs when juggling several tasks. Such is Homo teenageris.”

Jay Giedd of the National Institute of Mental Health: “What is most surprising is that you get a second wave of overproduction of gray matter, something that was thought to happen only in the first 18 months of life.”

“The first surprise came last May, with the discovery that the corpus callosum, the cable of nerves that connects the right half of the brain to the left, ‘continues growing into your 20s,’ says Giedd.”

In a piece entitled “Adolescent Brains are Works in Progress” by Frontline producer Sarah Spinks: “What the researchers have found has shed light on how the brain grows and when it grows. It was thought at one time that the foundation of the brain's architecture was laid down by the time a child is five or six. Indeed, 95 percent of the structure of the brain has been formed by then. But these researchers have discovered changes in the structure of the brain that appear relatively late in child development.”

At the NIMH web site there is a review of research into the development of human brains. The article entitled, “Teenage Brain: A work in progress” the following statement is made: ”The observed late maturation of the frontal lobe conspicuously coincides with the typical age-of-onset of schizophrenia—late teens, early twenties—which, as noted earlier, is characterized by impaired ‘executive’ functioning.” This, coupled with our own observations of others and ourselves might lead us to change many of the ways we do things.

It could be that we, as a nation, need to rethink several things: 1) parenting, what is involved and how long it takes, 2) voting age, 3) drinking and driving age, 4) minimum age for marriage 5) minimum age for the death penalty and possibly 6) minimum ages for becoming a soldier. It appears that our brains finally mature somewhere in the mid-twenties.

Give Us What We Need

Mass media seems to have abandoned the charge to provide the United States with news. Instead, it spends very nearly all its time trying to build yet bigger audiences. Right now, we read, see and hear constant comments about all the wonderful things President Reagan did for America and the world. Indeed, he did many good things.

On the other hand, it is increasingly customary for reporters to insert words and ideas that don't reflect the facts nearly as much as the reflect their ideas or their "corporate ideals." Two skilled writers published columns in the New York Times commenting on this problem. Paul Krugman points out information that doesn't seem to match what is being said in the media. It isn't the job of the media to rewrite history so that we can feel less pain or gain more political strength. When reporting news, its their job to give us the facts: what is happening, where is it happening, why is it happening and who is involved.

Maureen Dowd talks about the same problem in thought in her column "Epitaph and Epigone." In our grief, we must keep our balance. In our sadness at the loss of president that could bring thousands of people to unite behind ideas, we must not misrepresent either him or his achievements. Give us the facts. Then, in clearly marked areas let our columnists and others say how they feel about what is going on.

Patterns And Education

If we look at learning, brainpower, in another way, it might help us to break out of patterns that we seem to follow year after year.

Steven Johnson in his book Emergence says, “. . .unlike most computers, the brain is a massively parallel system, with 100 billion neurons all working away at the same time. That parallelism allows the brain to perform amazing feats of pattern recognition, feats that continue to confound digital computers—such as remembering faces or creating metaphors. Because each individual neuron is so slow, Kursweil explains, ‘we don’t have time . . . to think too many new thoughts when we are pressed to make a decision. The human brain relies on precomputing its analyses and storing them for future reference. We then use our pattern-recognition capability to recognize a situation as compatible to one we have thought about and then draw upon our previously considered conclusions.’ “

Education is a process that adds and teaches students how to continue adding to the patterns their brain recognizes. Education doesn’t have to be in some school, college or university. Education is the process of adding new and varying patterns to your memory increasing your abilities to “analyze” or spot similar patterns. Education should never stop. You are your own best teacher. Next best are those with whom you travel. Never stop.