When It Is Good To Work Individually

There are times when groups may not be as useful as others. It is important to know about that as well. So let’s look at some of these circumstances.

When you have limited time, it may not be a good idea to use a group. As you have already discovered when your plans involve you and several others there is always a problem of coordination and time. When you are worried about a decision and it must be made quickly you’re pretty much stuck with you and if you’re lucky someone you are with who is informed. That isn’t the same as quick decisions are better. Often they are not better. Keep in mind that there are many situations that call for a decision made quickly to avoid disaster. Later, upon reflection you may think of several other possibilities than the one you chose. Put another way, whenever possible anticipate and plan ahead. Avoid backing into situations that call for quick decisions.

When an expert already has the answer, why would you call a meeting to find the answer? Contact the expert and ask for the answer. The suggestion here is simple: the better you are connected and/or networked the more likely you can rely on an expert. Becoming connected is a communication process and it is never too early and seldom to late to build a network of folk you may need in the future. We need each other and often we need experts.

When the information is quickly available from research resources it may not be necessary to tie up a group’s time. Often what we learn in classes tells us where to look for information and we sometimes think that education requires us to remember information. What you remember as being important in life may now have several different answers rather than the one you recall. It may very well be more important to know where and how to look for information than it is to attempt to stay current with all the things you learned in college.

When conflict and tension in a group are unmanageable, at least within the time frame you have to work it may be best to work individually. As long as human beings have the ability to not work toward conflict reduction there is always the possibility that they will fight rather than switch. By the time you persuade them to set aside their conflict it may be too late for an effective decision.

In no way am I suggesting that the standard processes for enhancing groups and their performance is not important. I am suggesting that when we work with people who have the right to make their own choices and they may not choose the way you would like then we should recall that there are times when it is good to work individually.

Groups and Teams

It may not seem nearly so obvious why we need to learn about groups and teams. But, the fact is that one of the most important reasons for effective communication is to seek and hold employment. Without money we are at the mercy of others. With money we can pursue goals that we select for ourselves.

Businesses exist in a highly competitive situation. There was a time when you could run a business badly and still make a living. More and more, we are finding big box and internet businesses making it nearly impossible to successfully run a business. Under these circumstances, businessmen are being forced to learn about the use of employees in areas that used to be considered the sole domain of owners and managers. Employees were trained and told what to do and they had little or no latitude in making decisions.

Now owners and managers are being forced into the area of asking employees how the business might make profitable changes in operation. The employees are often able to supply critical information that enables the business to continue. We have more examples of successful use of employee thought outside the United States than we do within. But, that is changing because of the increasing need for employees that can think critically and communicate well. No employer really wants to be without these capable and qualified people. They probably all ready went out of their way to hire you because of your above average communication skills.

Now, because you understand what your business organization is doing and the terminology that is required, you have an excellent chance to remain employed.

Stages of Relationships

The model that appears in Beebe, Beebe and Ivy’s book, Communications: Principles for a Lifetime, depicting the various stages in relationships has at least one serious flaw. The escalators/elevators depicted seem to indicate that when we arrive at the top level, “Intimacy,” we have reached the top. Since the page is finite the model appears to be finite. But, in fact, the concepts of intensification as well as intimacy are potentially able to build and expand as far as we are willing to take them. They will continue to enhance meaning within you as long as you continue to add them to your meaning.

With that thought in mind we can make excellent use of this Relationships Stages model to think about and analyze our own existence aiding us to achieve our goals (managing relationships.) Somewhere along the way we sense (see, hear, touch and/or talk to) an individual that catches and holds our attention. It could be at work, a party or in some common area that each of you has visited. This first awareness (pre-interaction awareness) of the other is often exciting and filled with anticipation of fun. (And there is a red flag waving here: much of this process is nonverbal and that indicates that you must provide a bulk of the “meaning” that is attached. Put another way, you must project your “meaning” from your own experiences onto the other person. You have no real idea of how the other person means until you can check your perceptions.)

To satisfy your curiosity (desire, anticipation, hopes) you approach the person to find out more about the person. When you introduce yourself (initiation) the other person is beginning to understand that they have had an impact on you (or they have been communicating nonverbally.) As you begin to introduce yourself (self-disclosure) the other person has the opportunity to turn and walk away or hang around and see where this contact leads. Their first impressions will also be what they sense (nonverbal.) They too will project what they hope you are onto to you. This will be the standard by which you are judged to be worthy of continued contact or not. This makes your nonverbal communication extremely important (be aware of your communication with yourself and others.) Keep the conversation/negotiation light and shallow. That way you can watch (listen) for reactions from the other person which will guide you in what you choose to say and do thereafter.

If the two of you are interested in following your interests, then both of you will be ready for the next stage in establishing a relationship, which is exploration. Nearly anything that the two of you choose to do will permit you to observe (listen) the other’s actions and reactions, giving you additional insights into what to say and what to do. There is no reason this process needs to stop. One way or another, the two of you can continue to explore giving each of you additional meanings for the other and yourselves. There is no way to put relationships on “hold” and not have them being to dissolve. If you want the relationship to continue then you must continue to explore. (Here is another red flag. In the American culture we tend to think of many things, including relationships as things which can be set aside under certain special circumstances. For example, marriage may be an indicator that now is the time for you to concentrate on your career and thus leave little of no time for exploration. That may be the beginning of the dissolving of this relationship.)

The next stage is obvious to all our relatives, friends and acquaintances because we are spending so much time with one another that there is no time for them. That is because we are trying to satisfy our curiosity about each other at the highest possible rate and that indicates that we are now in the intensification stage. This stage can be somewhat flexible, but it cannot be omitted without the threat of serious damage to the relationship. For example, if by my nonverbal communication I tell you that I cannot be without you for any extended period of time and then suddenly begin to go back to my old ways and start spending time with my previous friends, you will be upset and want to know what is going on. The change in behavior indicates the potential for change in how they feel about you and how important this bond really is. None of these stages are necessarily discrete, and may overlap. But, it is still a strong indicator of the progress being made in the relationship.

Intimacy, the final stage in the building relationship process involves nearly every aspect of your life or meaning. Certainly it is physical, because of the trust built up over time each of you knows what a touch means and what an appropriate reaction would be. But, probably more important is the awareness of each other’s thought processes and what is likely going on inside their minds. They probably can talk to each other in abbreviated sentences and understand one another. People listening to their conversations will not have enough understanding of what is being said to take any action at all. Now that is intimacy.

Effective communication is tough. It requires thought and action. You can’t ever just coast and be assured that you are going to be on course toward your goals. What changes do you think you’re going to make when you are talking to anyone after you have understood the potential consequences? What actions may now seem to be filled with potential problems? For example, if you’re not feeling well and don’t want to concentrate on your communication, what is it going to cost you when you’re no longer ill?

Appropriate Self-Disclosure

What should I say? This is a serious and appropriate question. There are days when we’re feeling less self esteem than others. We may feel the need to talk to someone and we might have warm feelings about the person to whom we are talking. In general, when we feel the need to talk to someone, older and more established relationship are safer. That would mean the stronger the bond between the two of you the better for you. When you’re feeling more confident and have greater self esteem you’re in a position to listen carefully with all your senses. That will put you in a position to accept and process the information you receive in self-disclosure from the other person. It will also aid you when you’re deciding what can or should be said at this moment.

Please let me say again that time is necessary to aid you in all communication. Things that are hurried almost always leave important gaps. You won’t notice the gaps, because you won’t want to see them. When human beings want to they can construct and defend some very elaborate structures which will eventually come tumbling down and leave us in much worse shape than we were in at the beginning. Take things slowly so that you can listen, ask for clarification, organize and store the information coming your way. Your brain does a lot in this area while you’re sleeping, which is another reason why we should be getting more sleep on a regular basis. The American way is to get too little sleep and that predisposes us to dangerous thought processes.

So, what should be said? Start with questions of position such as: “Where are you from?” “Where did you go to school?” “What do your parents do?” “Of the places you have lived, which appealed to you the most?” “Do you have a large family?” “Are you affiliated with a church?” “What is your favorite activity?” What is your favorite food?” This line of questioning will allow you to learn about the other person in ways that are fairly public and might be known through nonverbal communication had you had the opportunity. If the other person doesn’t have any idea of what to ask and is just sitting there like a bump on a log, then these questions become your script to talk about yourself. They are largely harmless potentially and can be discussed safely.

Move very slowly toward the things you seldom talk to others about. Keep in mind that you may never get to the point you where you want to talk to the other person about some of the things that you have thought about or are thinking about now. There are some things that we should only talk about to qualified professionals in an attempt to understand why we’re thinking about them in the first place. These things are extreme and without a doubt you haven’t acted on them anyway. If you have acted on them you can bet that somebody saw your nonverbal communication and have already assigned some unfortunate meaning to your actions. Put another way, don’t act on everything you think.

Self-Disclosure

Through nonverbal communication, observation, we can tell quite a bit about one another from a comfortable and safe distance. That permits us to avoid some folk that we don’t think we would care to know and allows us to approach others that seem to be appealing to us. The problem with nonverbal communication is that it is ambiguous and we don’t really know how much they weigh, how tall they really are or that they really have an education. We can only apply what we have learned through experience over the years. Unfortunately it is still ambiguous.

We’ve all heard, if not said, that you can’t tell a book by its cover. We could add that we’ve seen movie trailers that indicated that the movie was going to be hilarious. When we went to the movie we discovered that we had seen all the funny parts in the trailer. With this thought in mind, how can we help those that we want to be attracted to us to approach us so that we can begin to reduce their ambiguity . . . or answer they’re questions more precisely? First we attract their attention, usually nonverbally and hope that they want to follow-up on their curiosity.

Then comes the more difficult part: self-disclosure. You know a great deal about yourself and could talk for literally hours about yourself and that would not be wise. Instead, you must employ some critical thinking while you’re talking to the other person. In many ways conversation is negotiation. You tell me a little and I’ll tell you a little (reciprocity.) I’ll probe, with a well placed question, areas that are of particular interest to me and you will do the same. After a period of time, we are beginning to build a skeleton of knowledge about one another. Please be aware that this should take some time. Also, be aware that you should keep the amount of information shared fairly short at first.

Beware of information overload. When you talk for a long period of time and expect that the other is going to recall everything you’ve said you’re wrong. They will be like you and selective about what they recall. Probably both of you will recall the good stuff, things you really wanted to hear. Many shorter conversation mingled with activities is a good plan. Churches, social clubs, mutual interests and projects allow the two of you to observe (nonverbal) on another while thinking about the things that you are already aware of. Be aware, this takes time. Moving quickly in human communication indicates trouble ahead. Take your time and that means you’ve made time to communicate.

Attraction

In the Beebe, Beebe and Ivy book, Communication: Principles for a Lifetime, they define “attraction” as “A motivational state that causes someone to think, feel, and behave in a positive manner toward another person.” There are many reasons why we might find ourselves attracted to another person. Some of them Mom would have thought to be worthy. Many things drive us all the time and in that mix we find ourselves trying to figure out , “What attracted me to that person?”

In general, we need to examine ourselves in a wide range of behaviors. Understanding more about these areas should help us in the process of training our brain to pursue those things which will be most positive. For example, there is general agreement that we should have a shopping list and then avoid shopping while we are hungry. That way we’ll stay on budget and make more positive contributions to our overall fitness.

This also applies to attraction during various phases of our physical development. For example, five to seven year old boys have a tough time appreciating the hugs and kisses they see. But, as they approach adulthood, they become aware that some of the those “awful” and “embarrassing” activities just may be worth a little first hand investigation. The difference appears to be the introduction of certain hormones into their system. Once those elements are present in the system, there is a whole range of behaviors that “require” their thought and may even lead to experimentation.

Sp attraction appears to vary from time to time and year to year and we should be aware of the elements that cause the attraction as possible so that we can allow our carefully trained brains to protect us from some really stupid errors.

Interpersonal Communication Is Most Important

If we accept the definition for interpersonal communication shared by Beebe, Beebe and Ivy as “Communication that occurs between two people who simultaneously attempt to mutually influence each other, usually for the purpose of managing relationships,” then several things seem to follow.

1) It is the most important social skill needed in life.

Those of us who do an excellent job of interpersonal communication are able to reach our goals in life more often than those who are not. Each of us would like to be able to live with the person of our choice, live in the community of our choice, work at the job of our choice, and work at the level of our choice and at the pay of our choice. All of those goals can be enhanced through effective use of interpersonal communication.

2) Has a huge impact on our lives.

By adjusting our interpersonal communication throughout life we are able to remain flexible and can maneuver through situations that might derail other individuals. When we spot those in our lives who have a positive influence we can elect to move in their direction. We will also be aware that other successful people will be moving in directions that aid them in achieving their own goals. There is no assurance of success in all cases.

3) With thought its impact can aid us in building our lives.

Just because you have acquaintances does not mean you have friends. Some folk might be present in our everyday lives, but that does not obligate us to listen to and follow their advice. Instead, it is probable that seeking out and establishing relationships with those we can trust and care about our future because they see themselves in that future and want it to be as optimal as possible for both of us.

You are the person that is building your life. Nobody else knows how to do it for you and you are in the best position to redirect your energies so that you have the best possible chance to achieve your goals. Who are you aware of in your life that is best suited to advise and direct you in reaching your goals? At the moment, are they comfortable with you and able to communicate with ease about a wide range of subjects? Is there trust between the two of you? What do you need to do to enhance the relationship so that it might be optimal for you and the other person?

Are there ethical concerns about taking such a deliberate course of action? How can I look out for my own well being without damaging those around me?

Ethnocentrism

“Ethnocentrism is the belief that our own cultural approaches are superior to those of other cultures” according to Beebe, Beebe and Ivy. And why wouldn’t we believe that? From birth until about 5 years old our moms and dads have been telling us how things should be done. What reasons might they have to lie to us. No reason. They are simply telling us how things work for our own good.

If the way we think things should be done are different from other folk, we still know we are right. And if we are right, that makes them wrong. And at 5 years old that make perfect sense. But, at twenty years old, that shouldn’t make sense nearly as much. Again, we should allow for the fact that we are going to think what ever we like. But, there is a huge difference between thinking and acting. Do not act, unless forced to and then learn everything you can about your background and the other culture’s background. Now you will be in a better position to decide which system is better.

In addition, having been wrong for years is a heavy burden. Many of us choose not to pick it up. Instead, we continue to maintain the “correctness” of what we have been taught. That way we imagine ourselves to be superior to others, if for no other reason, we haven’t been wrong. This whole thought process is divisive and counter productive.

What would be wrong with a position that assumes that you will always try to follow the data toward the best possible solution? That indicates that your current positions are practical but tentative and with the addition of new data, you are able to efficiently change. Wouldn’t that make more sense?

Adapting Communication to Others

If we accept the idea that each of us is unique, then we can see that our work is really cut out for us when it comes to communication. If what you’re saying must be fit to each person then it really is a huge task. There are high priority communications and are most important to us, and in these situations we need to take the utmost care. The risk is the prioritizing process is that none of us know the future and what you thought of as a lower priority may turn out to be very high.

If we could achieve the ideal in every situation then we would know enough to properly choose symbols (words), how these symbols should be ordered (grammar) and how and when to deliver the communication. We don’t live in an ideal world. So we must begin as soon as possible to pay careful attention to people. According to C. S. Lewis, “There are no ordinary people.” But as we observe people, we begin to discover that there are patterns and adaptations that can be used that help in the process of communication. Be a student of people.

The more you know about the people you are communicating with the better the chance of effective communication. So there is a whole range of considerations of which we can be aware. Here are some of them:

1) What is their culture or cultures?
2) What is their gender?
3) What is their age or age range?
4) What is their level of education/experience?
5) What media do they spend their time with?
And in a few minutes on your own and you can easily double the length of this list.

You are beginning to understand the complications present when you are attempting to “Ethically adapt your communication to others.” Of course it is important to “know” what you’re trying to say. But keep in mind that people may or may not allow you to say what you want to say. If you don’t appear to be the kind of person who can say what you are trying to say, they will just ignore you. That means in a very real way, you’re working on your next speech everyday of your life. If your audience appears to believe that you can say what you want to say, then you are on the way to adapting what you have to say to your audience.

The more you know about them, the better the chance that you will say what you need to say in a way that they can accept, understand and adopt. Some questions to ask yourself:

1) Who am I?
2) Who do they think I am?
3) What do I know about the subject?
4) What do they know about the subject?
5) What do I think I can tell them?6) What do they think I can tell them?

Listening

In our heart of hearts we know that listening is extremely important. The problem is, it is difficult and often when you listen to things you find yourself struggling to understand and then help some poor soul out of some painful situation. It is odd though that we expect others to listen to us and we speak very highly of those who do. So, I’m thinking that listening is a valuable skill and really deserves our full attention. So what are the basic elements of listening, at least according to Beebe, Beebe and Ivy?

These are listed as basic elements of listening:

1) selecting

2) attending

3) understanding

4) remembering

5) responding.

As you look at this list it hits you that this looks a lot like work. It is a lot like work. There are several things you need to be productive at the process of work and listening. Let’s list a few of them. We need to be: rested, physically fit, free of preoccupations, able to focus our attention, clear about what is being said (verbally and nonverbally), able to recall what has already been said, and finally our reaction to what has been said. This is such a tough assignment that we have hired psychiatrists and psychologists to listen to us for years. When we can’t afford them we ask those who love us most, our friends and relatives to listen to us.

Does it pay off? Yes. This is how we build relationships and maintain them. This is how we find people we can live with for our entire lives. This is how we get and hold our jobs and get occasional raises. This is how we are able to raise our children and merit their love and support throughout our life times. But, we will have to make adjustments in order to accomplish the task of listening.

We will have to get enough rest. We will be fit and take/make the time select what is being said. Rested enough to focus on what is being said. Ask questions when we aren’t clear about what is being said so that we do understand. Hold the entire discussion in our heads long enough to clearly respond to what is being said.

It is a tough task and deserves our full attention and it is clear that we can’t do it for lots of people. Instead, we will have to narrow our field of contacts or fail at listening. We can’t do everything and this one concept, listening is proof.

Nonverbal Cues

Nonverbal cues give us information that can greatly aid us in communication. First, imagine these circumstances: Ever since you walked into the classroom there have been classmates looking at you and talking quietly to those around them. Once in a while there is a giggle and often there are smiles. The key thing that doesn’t ever happen is they include you in the conversation. In fact, you’re certain at this point that the discussion going around the room is about you. Then it dawns on you that you have a job interview after class and there is no time for you to go to your room and change. Instead of wearing your regular student uniform (blue jeans, hoodie sweatshirt that says “No Fear”, and tennis shoes) you’re wearing a light jacket, white shirt, black dress shoes and a tie. Finally, one of your classmates asks, “Are you going for a job interview after class.”

Your response, “Yes I am. How did you guess? Perhaps it was the clothes I am wearing. Wish me luck.”

Not know what the other students were saying and suspecting that they were talking about you could have been quite unsettling had nobody clarified the situation. You probably would have checked all you buttons and zippers and wished for a mirror to check things that can’t be seen without one. With that explanation in mind, much of the whispered conversations around the room have an explanation that allows you to relax.

When you’re feeling confident and your self-esteem is high, these little unexplained conversations around you aren’t very tough to deal with. On the other hand, when your self-esteem has just taken a hit and you’re feeling sort of down, then these conversations might make you feel resentful and uncomfortable. Those talking about you and not with you are not being particularly thoughtful. The person who chose to talk to you was being thoughtful and at the same time satisfying everybody’s curiosity. The nonverbal cues you picked up on do have an impact on you.

As is almost always the case, nonverbal communication is fuzzy and imprecise. How we are feeling about ourselves and the rest of the world can have a huge impact on how we interpret nonverbal communication. We need to keep that in mind. We have an obligation to ourselves and those around us to create the most positive world possible. We all live in our world and the more we can do to reasonably boost one another’s self-esteem the more likely our world will be a positive one.

Things we should ask ourselves. When we are talking about things that nobody should hear which would be better: talk quietly looking around to see if anybody is listening or talk in private so others can’t misconstrue what is going on? If you know another language and are talking to another person in a language unfamiliar to those around you, you may be having a negative impact. We don’t know what you’re saying but if it was “good” you would be speaking so anyone can understand. Of course, there are occasions when a different language must be used. Be aware of your communication’s impact on those around you.

And remember nonverbal communication is interpreted by the viewer. If you are concerned about the possible interpretation of your nonverbal communications do your best to structure them physically and/or verbally so that the fewest possible interpretations can be use. Its safer all the way around.

Nonverbal Communication

It has been estimated that we communicate emotions nonverbally most effectively. In fact, it may be that as much as 65% of what we say is said nonverbally. Worse, as much as 93% of what we reveal about ourselves is done nonverbally. If we don’t get a handle on what we “are saying” and “how we are saying it” we will not be aware of what people know about us from a distance. They will know things that we may deny, but will still be correct. And we will probably continue to deny them because we never “told” them what they think they know. But, the fact is, we “talk” all the time and much of it is nonverbal.

So let’s review some of the ways we “talk” to others without proper personal awareness.

1) When we get dressed are we thinking about what the clothes we’re putting on are saying to everyone who can see us?

2) Walking toward our transportation, are we preoccupied and not really aware of our immediate surroundings?

3) If we are driving to work, is a late departure making us push the edges of the law and safety so that we can arrive on time?

4) If we are bored by what is happening, do we tell others by looking at our watch to check the time?

5) If we see someone who is “really interesting” walking by do our eyes reveal that we are no longer listening?

Any action to which I can attach a meaning completes a nonverbal communication. I may not want you to notice what I’m saying, so you don’t necessarily intend to “tell” me what I now know. Intent is not important here. But what is important, that we be aware that we are always talking and folk around us are “listening.” The biggest problem with nonverbal communication is our inability to control or adjust the meaning you attach to it. The communication may be inaccurate, but the chances are very high that those who receive the communication will act on their interpretation of your nonverbal communication.

Recently, Marcel Marceau died. He was often described as the world’s greatest mime: a person that could tell stories without ever saying a word and those watching would agree on the story’s content. You can learn to improve your nonverbal communication and make it work for you more often and reduce any negative impact some of your nonverbal may have.

Words Are Powerful

“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me.” That’s an idea that many parents have taught their children so that they wouldn’t feel so bad when they are attacked with words. That’s really a stupid idea. When we’re reviewing the events of our life we often think of things that were said to or about us that remains to this day as a painful memory. Words are extremely powerful and what is worse, their meanings vary from person to person. They vary because we acquired the words in ways unique to us and can’t know how that word really means to the person who is using it without extended contact. The kind of contact that happens over time and in a variety of circumstances is necessary to acquire an idea of how others mean when they use their words.

Most of us know someone who uses words to demonstrate that they are “brilliant.” They seem to use words to prove that they know the words. That communication then, might be perceived an expression of superiority and may not be very friendly or useful. Beebe, Beebe and Ivy point out that we need to adapt our communication to the person(s) with whom we are attempting to establish a connection.

It makes more sense to choose and use words based on what you know and what you have determined they know when attempting to communicate. This communication has a different goal: to establish a connection rather than demonstrate “brilliance.” Many things can impact word choice: culture, context, gender, age, class, race, religion to list a few. In short, words are powerful and require considerable knowledge and focus in order to select the proper ones at the proper time.

Each of us can recall a time that “misunderstandings” came up because of word choice. We wish we could call back some things that we have said. Unfortunately, we can only attempt to reduce the hurt of badly chosen words. We cannot call them back. We each have memories that work very well.

How do you prepare for an important situation? Do you ever practice what and how you’re going to say something? Have you discovered over time how to say some things in a more productive way? Do we sometimes view close acquaintances or friends as folk we don’t need to be concerned about when choosing our words? What are some of the risks involved with this kind of behavior?

Attitudes, Beliefs & Values

This is an area where choosing your parents carefully can pay off. Since none of us have that opportunity, the next consideration is how we can make the most of ourselves in spite of those around us from conception until we are aware of ourselves as individuals.

Attitudes: those things put into our brains before we have awareness making it impossible to filter. Put another way, our parents should teach us by example and with words what we need to know in order to maximize our lives. As a child it never occurred to us to say, “Really, mom, that just can’t be correct. I’m just not going to permanently store what you just did/said.” Instead, as babies we are data sponges and we soak up everything and store it for future use. That’s good as long as the data is accurate and useful for us in building out lives. That’s bad when it is not. As we grow older we find stuff in our memories that we no longer hold to be true or useful. Now we have the problem of deleting. That simply doesn’t work well. Instead we must build a new structure in our brains that represents what we believe to be correct/true. That is time consuming and difficult. Some ideas may never be tested and we may never be aware of the fact that they don’t fit reality as we intellectually believe it to be. Fact is that we need to be aware that we are always a work in progress and that it is entirely possible that we didn’t start with the best of data.

Beliefs: our experiences tell us that certain things are true and we those beliefs often control our actions. For example, you find a political candidate that seems to think about things in a way that fits reality as you see it. You begin to follow what they are doing and saying and find yourself willing to vote for them. You can’t help but notice which political party they belong to and find yourself voting more and more for folk in that same party. You have come to believe that their view of reality and your view of reality are similar or at times the same. You become a believer. Problem is, it is very time consuming to keep up with all those politicians and it is just plain easier to vote the ticket than determine what is best for your world. In that respect, beliefs can become dangerous to us and our communities.

Values: expectations have caused us to accept that certain things are right. For example, several conservative friends of mine have said that they don’t think that individuals, businesses or nations should allow themselves to go deeply into debt. As a matter of fact, they think everybody at all levels should try to operate on a pay-as-you-go basis. These folk have beliefs that Republicans are conservative and they are in a difficult situation because their belief in the Republican Party is important to them and their belief that we should be operating on a pay-as-you-go basis is also important. They are in a quandary when it comes to the huge national debt that the United States has acquired. Be careful when trying to talk to them about this kind of topic, because it has become a major conflict in their minds and they have not yet decided what to do.

Do we have any attitudes that we don’t want others to know about? Could it be that we have discovered that our attitude does not fit with what we now believe to be true? Do our values match what we believe about ourselves and our communities? This internal conflict can be a major stress point, and can complicate communications.

Communication: Making Sense

All of our senses gather data all of the time. Our brain is dealing with sensations all the time. Clearly, one of our biggest tasks is to train our brain about what to do with this huge amount of information that is pouring in. That is probably one of the most important tasks facing educational systems. How can individuals best sense, sort and store the data that they’re going to need to make decisions about what to say and do.

Once we think that we have a concept properly ordered in our minds we are ready to make an attempt to communicate what we are thinking. We think that we have made sense out some of the information and now we want to share that sense with someone else. Since the words vary in meaning in each of us, it is difficult to “say” what you are thinking. That is one of the reasons that shared experiences are so valuable in aiding communication.

An example: grown men crying are able to talk about their experiences during World War II with their families after they have all attending Saving Private Ryan, a film released in 1998. Before the movie, most of these mean didn’t talk about their experiences on the Normandy invasion. They had tried to talk to people who weren’t there during the invasion and realized that for them to even begin to understand what they went through (their definition of the Normandy invasion) the people they were talking to could not understand what they were saying. The net affect was that they clammed up. In many cases they couldn’t be persuaded to talk about the Normandy. A case of, “You had to be there.”

Remember, our brains are gathering information all the time. People aren’t talking all the time. That means that we can divide the communication world into two parts: verbal and nonverbal. We will spend most of our time talking about the verbal and much more time should be spent on nonverbal. Perhaps you’ve already heard the Steely Dan song, What I Do. It underscores from the musical philosophical point of view that what we do is extremely important.

In any case, communication remains a very complicated process and it is extremely important to us as individuals as well as groups.

Human Communication

According to Beebe, Beebe and Ivy, “. . . human communication is the process of making sense out of the world and sharing that sense with others by creating meaning through the use of verbal and nonverbal messages.” This is one of many definitions for human communication. Consider that we almost always have problems with definitions. Take Christianity for example: many in the United States point to the Bible as the core document in their beliefs, but somehow they have come up with different definitions for their religions. We have to assume that if anyone were attempting to build the best possible definition it would be the founders of these denominations.

In discussions we do exactly the same thing. We can establish a basic definition from which our contributions to any discussion are drawn. Put another way, we decide what we think and then discuss from that position. In daily life application, probably all of us have had this experience. Mom asks us to clean our rooms. You set out to clean the room and in five minutes are finished. Mom comes by the room and says, “When are you going to clean your room?” Clearly there are different definitions of “clean” in those two minds.

Unfortunately, since we are all different and have had different experiences, we will always find that the starting point or definition in our mind is different from the starting point in the mind of others. For that reason, the definition above will be the one that should be used in discussions with classmates during the quarter. The definition is one of many possible definitions and should not be considered the best or only.

One last thought, words, like everything else, have to be defined by experience, real or vicarious. Each of us have had different experiences and that means that the words in our head don’t mean the same thing to everyone. They don’t even mean the same things to us over the years.

Communication is tough. To be successful each of us must spend a great deal of energy and time examining the communication process.

Human Communication

You and I tend to think that ideas clear and obvious in our heads will be every bit as clear and obvious to everyone around us. If we can understand it, they should be able to understand it as well. On the other hand, as we gain more experience we begin to discover that things we used to “clearly” understand just aren’t the way we thought they were and we are forced to change our thinking or ignore the problem.

When I was a kid, folk talked about the back country of the high Sierras in California. When I visited the high Sierras I was impressed. Nobody bothered to explain to me that the Sierras were a range of mountains and there was another side. (I knew there was an east side, but I just thought it was a very long way away.) It came as something of a shock to me to discover that the back country was much smaller than it seemed in my imagination. The experience of actually crossing the Sierras and seeing the other side forced me to change my thinking.

My home town of Mountain View, California, seemed to be quite nice and quite large as I was growing up. I didn’t have a lot of travel opportunities and so hadn’t visited a lot of places. When I went back recently to visit my old home town I was amazed at how small and average it had become. (It’s is still my home town and I have many fond memories from there.) Then it dawned on me that the “reality” in my mind was just plain different from the “reality” that I have now. Oh yes, and Mountain View has changed as much as I have.

It’s clear to me that the things that are “real” in my head are not always what I find them to be later on. That forces me to make changes in the way I think about things and what I say. Put another way, the “reality” that we are constructing in our minds is necessary, but not necessarily accurate. What is necessary to live a longer and more prosperous life is the acceptance of the fact that we all have partial grasp of “reality” and we are forced to accept that, until we can revise and update it.

And that has a huge impact on human communication.

I’m certain that you have discovered things in your “reality” that seem to have shifted. How fast can these shifts occur? Are there thought processes that might be useful in detecting these shifts before they embarrass us?

Creating Common Ground

Building common ground is difficult and not natural for many of us. On the other hand, common ground is one of the essentials of living together in tight spaces (cities) and increasingly politics and professions. Often the building of patriotism makes building common ground nearly impossible. We can spin our wheels looking at all the problems that face us when we're trying to build common ground. Instead, let's look at what we can do individually to increase common ground.

1) Since one of the of easy and comfortable things we do everyday is travel with people who think like we do and in fact do many of the same things we do. We can deliberately set out to find, listen to and ask questions of people who are clearly different from us.

2) Since it is quicker and easier to take the same route to work or to visit friends every time, think of ways that can vary that path. That might expose us to a different set of challenges causing us to think differently about the world immediately around us. That may cause us to rethink some things we held to be true when we view new sets of data.

3) Since we have limited resources in general we tend to read, view and discuss things that are clearly of importance and value to us and our kind. Periodically set out to read things that you expect/know you will disagree with. Try to do it with an open mind. Go to a movie that others seem to enjoy and you know you will hate. To better understand, even if it is so that you can better handle folk who think a certain way, why people do what they do, carry on a discussion the goal of which is to better understand rather than to persuade.

Put another way . . . seek information, a perception check if you will, rather than trying to change their mind or make them feel inferior. After you have gathered the information think about it. It can be very rewarding and it may very well lead us to encourage the building of common ground.

Thinking to Avoid Collapse

In a section of the book Collapse the author Jared Diamond calls "Signs of Hope," he lists the following, which on the surface seem like very sensible things of which to be aware.

“Thus, human societies and smaller groups may make disastrous decisions for a whole sequence of reasons: failure to anticipate a problem, failure to perceive it once it has arisen, failure to attempt to solve it after it has been perceived, and failure to succeed in attempts to solve it.”

Looking at the idea above that there is a "failure to attempt to solve it after it has been perceived," Diamond has pointed out that at times powerful people or groups don't want the problem solved because it won't be to their advantage.

If we look for those who might be benefiting from a problem, then we might know better who the enemy is. That will make it easier to find a solution, because we will understand what, or who, we are fighting. Keeping a good thing going is not an easy job. It will take all of us thinking all the time to avoid what so many societies have failed to do: survive.

Creeping Normalcy

A great concept which can be used to help understand why we tend not to notice things that are happening right under our nose. In interpersonal relationships it sometimes produces a surprised partner who says quite truthfully, "I had no idea that we had any serious problems." In government we adopt laws that reflect where the constituents are, and to the "old folk" in our community there is amazement that our system could do such a stupid thing. In our everyday life we have shifted from party lines for telephone use to individual handheld phones that we wouldn't be caught dead without. All examples of creeping normalcy.

Jared Diamond uses this concept in his book Collapse to describe how we are able to overlook some of the most obvious things that are happening to us. A new normalcy creeps up on us so slowly that we don't even notice it. We fail to notice the importance of the everyday things which when we look back make is so clear where we left one era and entered another. This is where mass media should be playing a key role. They have themselves shifted from a set of goals which included keeping the electorate informed to a new and powerful one: maximize profits from quarter to quarter.

So it is up to us to learn what is necessary to know in order to build the world we want to live in and start building the world we hope our children will live in. Creeping normalcy is a risk to us all and the way we live.

Things We Should Avoid

According to Jared Diamond in his book Collapse, the following items are present in the failure of the societies he has studied.
1) "A first set of factors involves damage that people inadvertently inflict on their environment, as already discussed"
2) "A next consideration in my five-point framework is climate change, a term that today we tend to associate with global warming caused by humans."
3) "A third consideration is hostile neighbors."
4) "The fourth set of factors is the converse of the third set: decreased support by friendly neighbors, as opposed to increased attacks by hostile neighbors."
5) "The last set of factors in my five-point framework involves the ubiquitous question of the society's responses to its problems, whether those problems are environmental or not."

Diamond's 560 page book seeks to determine why and how societies fail. The framework that he describes is worth our consideration. Applying the first item in the list we see the need for free and open discussion. When anyone spots a problem that might face us all sooner or later, they should be encouraged to "speak out" about what they are seeing. In a free and open discussion, it is not our job to silence those who are "speaking out" but to determine what they have to say and its possible impact on them and the rest of us.

In a society that says it is interested in free speech and also seeks to limit free speech, there is a problem. Some in our midst tell us that they are not being allowed to speak out. That should alarm all of us. But, it is time consuming and requires that we focus on the problem. If should be clear that basic to the preservation of a society there is high value placed on communication in all directions. Anything that gets in the way of that communication needs to be examined with great care. Then appropriate actions need to be taken. To avoid inadvertent death in our society we need to be free, willing and able to communicate. Anything less than full discussion/communication is to move toward damage to our society caused inadvertently. We must discuss.

Avoiding National Collapse

Most of us would like to leave our homeland to our children the same as, or even better than we received it from our parents. But, there are many things that can go wrong along the way. In his book Collapse, Jared Diamond discusses the "tragedy of the commons." He explains: "Consider a situation in which many consumers are harvesting a communally owned resource, such as fishermen catching fish in an area of ocean, or herders grazing their sheep on a communal pasture. If everybody overharvests the resource, it will become depleted by overfishing or overgrazing and thus decline or even disappear, and all the consumers will suffer."

What Diamond is describing is happening all around us all the time. The oceans, forests, even our agricultural processes tend to use up the land so that in the long run we may not be able to depend on it for food. He points out that there are a couple of common ways we can look at the problem. One would be to say to ourselves, "If I don't force this crop, somebody else will and so I might as well." Another might be, "If I don't cut this land, somebody else will and so I might as well."

Diamond suggests, "The remaining solution to the tragedy of the commons is for the consumers to recognize their common interests and to design, obey and enforce prudent harvesting quotas themselves." None of that can happen without communication. A skill we must have and use if we hope to achieve success as individuals or as a nation. At least, we must be willing to talk (communicate) with others if we hope to successfully pass on to our children that which is best about the places we live.

How Can We Know?

The problem of an "informed American electorate" has been with us for a long time. But, in the past few years the problem has become even more acute. To a certain extent we all depend on the media to keep us informed. Now there is increasing evidence that we need help in knowing what is happening within our own country.

Reporters Without Boarders publish a freedom ranking each year which is very revealing. The USA is quite a way down the list. Perhaps it would be best if we spent more time with the media that ranks higher in our attempts to find out what is going on in our own country.

Reduce Conflict

We often use e-mail to get done quickly those things we are attempting. There can be problems. This item recently appeared in the Christian Science Monitor.

"The answer, the professors conclude, is sometimes "no." Though e-mail is a powerful and convenient medium, researchers have identified three major problems. First and foremost, e-mail lacks cues like facial expression and tone of voice. That makes it difficult for recipients to decode meaning well. Second, the prospect of instantaneous communication creates an urgency that pressures e-mailers to think and write quickly, which can lead to carelessness. Finally, the inability to develop personal rapport over e-mail makes relationships fragile in the face of conflict."

Next time you think of exploding on-line or think that you have just made an excellent point, take care.

Keep This In Mind

The world that you know exists within your head. You are the one that is responsible for building and maintaining that world. We all know some folk that seem to live in a world that doesn't make any sense to us at all. It is very likely that it does make sense to them.

At first, our parents are very interested in helping us create a world that is very much like their own within us. As their influence is diluted with other influences we begin to create a world which is very much our own creation. But, the important thing to remember is that we have a responsibility to ourselves to build the best possible world making is more likely that we will be able to achieve our goals.

Be careful what you put into your world.

Communicating

One of the best ways to improve in an area is to be willing to go back over the things in that area that we believe to be true. In short, be willing to question the things we believe. If you are correct in your position you will reinforce the belief. And if any modification in your belief system might be useful, this process will show you what the modification might be.

When we were 18 months old there were many things that didn't bother us that would at this point in life would embarrass us. Not looking for change assumes that we are not only correct but there can be no improvement. By questioning some of our favored positions we run the risk of growing and becoming more effective in life.

Where Are The Headlines?

Why aren't the news agencies screaming about what is going on? Congressman Tom Delay, former House Majority leader, may or may not be innocent of the charges made against him. But, there is one thing we now know that should cause us all to scream. Congressman Delay has managed to confound justice in the United States by saying he didn't want a Democratic supporter to be his judge. Once we allow party affiliation to decide our guilt or innocence we will need two sets of law enforcement, two sets of prisons, and so on.

Justice should be based on law, much like the Republicans claim they want it work. When and if things don't work out the way you believe that they should, then you can appeal. If we can choose our mom to be our judge, of course we'll be found innocent. But, there will always be a question about mom's ability to judge the case based on the facts.

If Tom Delay has the right to choose his judge or their party affiliation then so do 285,000,000 other Americans. Justice is confounded. We don't have justice any more than any other country on earth if you and I can choose those who would judge us. Scream. Scream to everyone who will listen to you.

How Can We Build Ourselves

One of the most important forms of communication is interpersonal communication. The more time and energy we spend in this area, the more likely that we will be able to reach the goals we set for ourselves. This is the area of abilities which makes it possible for us to live with the person of our choice and work at the job or our choice. Those are two of the most important considerations for anyone.

First, we must look at ourselves. Who are we and who do they think we are? Look at these areas carefully. Most of us have some idea of who we are. But, we make a simple mistake by assuming that what we think is what others think as well. Other people decide about you and me based on what we say and do. Clearly the most important of those two is what we do. We can clarify what we are doing by providing those around us with explanations of what we are doing and why. What we believe to be perfectly clear can be made much clearer by what we say. Those two must go together.

Second, we must look at others. Who are they and who do they think they are? We look at them and what they do and decide for ourselves how they mean. We often don't ask because there's no real need to have explanations for what we already "know to be true." Often we are wrong, at least in part. We must set aside the time and energy to do what is necessary for us to reach our goals.

Clearly, this is going to involve doing what we do, and then finding a way to talk to those around us so we can adjust their perceptions of what they think we're doing. For a start, this will give us a plan to begin building a future for ourselves that we can be happy about.

How Can We Protect Ourselves?

These are the ground rules: the job of the mass media is to create profits. In order to be able to do that as effectively as possible, they need the largest possible audiences. To create large audiences the media must give audiences what they want.

The need to know what is "really" going on in the world never goes away. So, what must we do in order to find out what is going on in the world so that we can make the best possible decisions.

We must first be aware that media no longer feels the responsibility to provide their audiences with what they need to know. Their responsibility is to assure their owners that they will get a return on their investment.

Each of us must setup our own system to determine what is really going on in the world. Then we must learn and act on what we learn. But, there aren't very many ways you can inform yourself quickly and easily. Here are some ways you can begin to inform yourself.

1. Use the internet. There's a wide range of excellent sources available to choose from and as you search you will be able to add to the list of sources you find.

2. Read widely and regularly. Don't decide what your position is or should be, but instead, decide that you need to know as miuch as possible about "reality" and follow the data where ever it leads.

Now, Where Were We?

(Back in the office now. Now is the time to get back into the discussion of the various elements that make up our lives through communication. Our focus will be on what we can do to improve our communicaitons and through them our lives. While we're improving our lives, we must always keep an eye on what is happening to others. That way, we build a world through communications that not only we want to live in, but others can join us.)


Over the past few weeks it has become increasingly apparent that the information that we use to make decisions that are going to affect us and those we love, isn't always clear or accurate. In fact, there's a fairly large group of people whose sole task is to make us feel good about what they want us to do or think. Our job then is to be certain that we come as close as possible to "reality" so that the decision we make get us closer to our goals, rather than closer to somebody else's goals.

Newspaper less than radio and TV, make their living primarily by acquiring huge readership or listenership. The larger the number, the more you can charge for your product. That means, right out of the blocks we have to protect ourselves from thinking that what we see, hear and read are the heart and soul of news or public affairs. That would be foolish. These folk have to produce large audiences or they're looking for work. That, put simply, means that they will give you what they think you want.

It's true that once in a while, some news gets through because it can't be hidden. That tends to shake the confidence of many of us because we didn't like what we saw. Take the governmental reaction to Hurricane Katrina. Most Americans didn't like what they saw. Even the President of the United States didn't like what he saw. Many Americans had been lulled into a feeling that most conditions are reasonably safe where we live. After the hurricane, many of us had questions.

Why hadn't that sort of thing been discussed in all news agencies before? Why does it take a disaster to show us where we really stand? Now, what are some of the other areas that should be concern to us now? Do we know? Have we thought about it? Where are we getting our information and how reliable is it?

Our concern is not only how skillful and careful we can be when communicating, but what we are communicating and to whom. I really don't want a bunch of highly skilled commnicators running around our communities that really don't have anything to say. Communication has to involve not only those communication skills, but careful thought.

An article on the light side of dissidence

The New York Times > New York Region > No Need to Stew: A Few Tips to Cope With Life's Annoyances: "Work slowdowns are methods commonly used by labor unions to apply pressure without actually striking. During the Solidarity movement in Poland, people expressed their disapproval of the government-run news media by taking a walk with their hats on backward at exactly 6 p.m. when the state news program started. When the government noticed the trend, it issued curfews, but people then put their televisions in their windows facing outward so that only the police walking the streets would see the broadcasts."

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The Culture of Secrecy

There is a clear need for some kinds of secrecy and our government should provide the safety that secrecy can give us. But, when the culture of secrecy is embedded in the administration we have and you add a war to it, there are huge potential problems.

Rick Blum writes a story which appears in the Provo, Utah Daily Herald. His lead paragraph spells out the problem: "Last year our government spent $ 6.5 billion -- or for every woman, man and child in the United States -- to classify and secure its millions of accumulated secrets. That is 60 percent more than it spent just two years before, and the most it has spent on secrecy for at least the past decade -- not even counting the cost of keeping the CIA's extensive records secret. Sorry, the CIA keeps that figure classified."

Blum's closing paragraph: "Openness, not secrecy, makes our democracy and economy strong. Information in the right hands can produce medical breakthroughs, advance technology, apprehend criminals, and make us safer, healthier and more productive. At best, excessive secrecy is an abuse of the fundamental trust that the public places in government. At worst, it puts uncounted lives and communities at risk, and wastes billions of taxpayers' dollars."

Democracy can and does flourish in a society that is open. One of the things we often say of other countries is that they need to have a free and open discussion of ideas. The culture I would prefer is one of openness.

The Culture of Secrecy

There is a clear need for some kinds of secrecy and our government should provide the safety that secrecy can give us. But, when the culture of secrecy is embedded in the administration we have and you add a war to it, there are huge potential problems.

Rick Blum writes a story which appears in the Provo, Utah Daily Herald. His lead paragraph spells out the problem: "Last year our government spent $ 6.5 billion -- or for every woman, man and child in the United States -- to classify and secure its millions of accumulated secrets. That is 60 percent more than it spent just two years before, and the most it has spent on secrecy for at least the past decade -- not even counting the cost of keeping the CIA's extensive records secret. Sorry, the CIA keeps that figure classified."

Blum's closing paragraph: "Openness, not secrecy, makes our democracy and economy strong. Information in the right hands can produce medical breakthroughs, advance technology, apprehend criminals, and make us safer, healthier and more productive. At best, excessive secrecy is an abuse of the fundamental trust that the public places in government. At worst, it puts uncounted lives and communities at risk, and wastes billions of taxpayers' dollars."

Democracy can and does flourish in a society that is open. One of the things we often say of other countries is that they need to have a free and open discussion of ideas. The culture I would prefer is one of openness.

The Culture of Secrecy

There is a clear need for some kinds of secrecy and our government should provide the safety that secrecy can give us. But, when the culture of secrecy is embedded in the administration we have and you add a war to it, there are huge potential problems.

Rick Blum writes a story which appears in the Provo, Utah Daily Herald. His lead paragraph spells out the problem: "Last year our government spent $ 6.5 billion -- or for every woman, man and child in the United States -- to classify and secure its millions of accumulated secrets. That is 60 percent more than it spent just two years before, and the most it has spent on secrecy for at least the past decade -- not even counting the cost of keeping the CIA's extensive records secret. Sorry, the CIA keeps that figure classified."

Blum's closing paragraph: "Openness, not secrecy, makes our democracy and economy strong. Information in the right hands can produce medical breakthroughs, advance technology, apprehend criminals, and make us safer, healthier and more productive. At best, excessive secrecy is an abuse of the fundamental trust that the public places in government. At worst, it puts uncounted lives and communities at risk, and wastes billions of taxpayers' dollars."

Democracy can and does flourish in a society that is open. One of the things we often say of other countries is that they need to have a free and open discussion of ideas. The culture I would prefer is one of openness.

What Culture Do You Favor?

When it comes to secrecy, you might hate it or you might embrace it, depending on your background. Businessmen don't like having everybody know what they're doing and why. They want to be able to keep their "advantage" over the competition and will go to great lengths to protect "their territory." That is their mindset. That's the way they live and few see any reason to change that part of their culture.

When it comes to secrecy, we always must keep in mind that when we vote for any candidate we're voting for more than the positions they proclaim to support. We're voting for their cultural position as well. When you vote for managers, you're voting for folk who fear and mistrust the "press." When managers "sell" ideas and concepts they use the same culture they have used to "sell" processes and products. Its their culture, the way they view the world.

In Krugman's Op/Ed piece today in the New York Times, he points out that "The argument over Social Security privatization isn't about rival views on how to secure the program's future - even the administration admits that private accounts would do nothing to help the system's finances. It's a debate about what kind of society America should be." This is a debate over cultures.

What culture do you favor?

When Can Secrecy Harm You?

In today’s USATODAY an Op/Ed piece points out a trend that should have everyone’s attention. “In 2004, the government created 16 million new secrets, 75% more than in the year ending in September 2001. Sixteen million! And each new ‘classification decision’ can involve many documents.”

What you don’t know can hurt you. That’s why the nation agreed to, and made into law the Freedom of Information Act. This gave us protection against the unknown from our own government and made it possible for us to vote with greater wisdom.

Fear is the usual reason information flow is slowed or stopped. We’ve been living in an environment of fear now since 9/11, and in our efforts to protect ourselves we may very well have hurt ourselves. In order to be a viable democracy we must have an informed population. They must be able to gather their information from any and all sources or abuses will happen.

Of course adjustments need to be made. That’s almost always true. But, when you couple national fear with a tendency toward secrecy by culture, there can be major problems. When things happen in our government that we are not allowed to know about you can bet the potential is there for our harm.

What To Watchout For

We all want and need dependable news sources, so that we can make the best possible decisions for ourselves, families and communities. Sometimes we overlook obvious indicators of actual and potential problems. For example, as businesses attempt to increase their profits, they do what is necessary to maintain their product, if possible, and to meet the target for profits set by their owners. This is a problem.

News people have to abide by the same rules other businesses do and they too have been under great pressure to increase or at least maintain profits. There's a limit to what businesses can cut and still maintain their product's integrity. As the cost of labor goes up, fewer can be hired and maintained, and that means potential and now probable problems for those who need reliable news.

When a reporter was expected to research and write three news stories a day and because of costs we now have half as many reporters to fill the news the clients are accustomed to receive. The organization either has to become more efficient or the reporters have to produce more stories each day. Unfortunately, there are lots of folk who are willing and able to supply the news. We call some of them public relations agencies. They package stories which often are very good and at times little more than propaganda.

The New York Times article in today's issue reports that we are in the era of prepackaged news which puts your ability to trust the news in deeper jeopardy.

First Ammendment

Most Americans are proud of the First Amendment of the Constitution. We point to it and reassure everyone on the planet that we have a country that allows free speech. An article in USAToday reminds me that rights are most often lost because we forget the importance of those rights.

Here is the lead paragraph: "One in three U.S. high school students say the press ought to be more restricted, and even more say the government should approve newspaper stories before readers see them, according to a survey being released today." Somewhere along the line, we have a growing number of students that think that the role of the journalist in our society is to support, or at least not criticize those of us who live in our society.

If journalists do not watch and report on those in power, there is little hope that we will remain free. A free press is the backbone of a free society. Without that, we're all in trouble.

Fair And Balanced

We must learn to keep an eye on the media. There job is different from ours. They must make profits and we are trying to inform ourselves. So, when we're out there in media land we must always keep in mind that they are trying to build audience and we are trying to decide if our country is on the right track.

In a recent posting of Media Matters , they investigate the fair and balanced coverage the inauguration received. They describe themselves as "Media Matters for America is a Web-based, not-for-profit progressive research and information center. . ." Take a look at the "balance" between Republican and Democratic individuals represented during broadcast.

Media Matters reports, "Between 7 a.m. and 5 p.m. ET, Republican and conservative guests and commentators outnumbered Democrats and progressives 19 to 7 on FOX*, 10 to 1 on CNN (not including a Republican-skewed panel featuring Ohio voters), and 13 to 2 on MSNBC."

We must be aware and then take the time necessary to inform ourselves, or our decisions will be made for us with lopsided information.

How Do We Know?

How do we know the things we know? We experience it for ourselves and should we be unable to do that, we are dependent on other people. Some of those people will be eye witnesses to what happened. They will likely be reporters whose task it is to give us a sense of what happened. In short, mass media has the task of informing us about what is happening when we can't experience it personally.

Over time, the mass media has changed its role. It no longer has a primary task of giving us information that we need, but instead are giving us information that we want. As a consequence we all have to find an adequate replacement for what we need to know.

At times and in certain places there are media that come closer to keeping us informed. An article in the Philadelphia Inquirer gives us some idea that there is a problem. This article relates events that took place during the presidential debates and immediately after. For example: "The candidates understood that their misleading claims would draw less scrutiny than the latest attacks and counterattacks or their speaking and management styles. That's why the Kerry/Edwards campaign seemed to feel no remorse in its constant assertions that the Iraq war cost $200 billion, an exaggeration of $80 billion at the time. That's why President Bush repeatedly made the false accusation that Kerry's plan would 'nationalize' American health care."

Our best method to help the media make better decisions is to support them when they do things we require. Don't support them when they don't. They make their profits on the creation and maintenance of large audiences. Keep that in mind.

When We Think About It

If we really wanted to improve education in the United States as the Bush administration often suggests, what should they be doing? It’s not clear that they are trying to improve education, but instead repair something that the Bush administration appears to believe is broken. If its broken, why not fix it? If its not broken, why not support it?

An article in today's New York Times, How We Learn, set me to thinking that we could do something to improve the chances that American education will improve. Let's figure out how we learn and then model our schools to reflect that.

We're Not All The Same

If we are not now in school, most of us remember certain things about school. One example, when our quizzes or tests were returned, some of us wanted to keep the results to ourselves. Others wanted to know what we got. We always suspected that they had done well and they wanted to let us just how well they had done. Not all of us are good at taking quizzes/tests.

Those who are good are able to put themselves into a group of people who often get higher grades but are not necessarily better able to do things. In this country, it appears that the leadership feels that testing is the best and perhaps the only way to determine whether education is working.

President Bush recently made this statement in a speech concerning education: "If you believe every child in America can learn, then it makes sense to raise the bar," Bush said at an appearance at a suburban Washington high school. "That's called accountability for results," Bush said. The accountability that he is talking about is testing. Some of us will look better than others just because we don't take tests well. That's a painful fact that many of us can remember or are going through right now.

Bush says that his administration would pay for the testing. On the other hand, he said that he would pay for No Child Left Behind and he didn't. This could lead to a wide range of tests given region by region across the country. In any case, do we really want to give those who take tests well an clear advantage over those who can't take tests well.

I have an acquaintance who was on the screening committee for applicants for medical school. His committee felt that the best doctors didn't necessarily come from the group with the highest grades. There are other things out there that we need to look for other than "How well do you perform when taking tests?"

Time Is Always A Problem

When we're doing things we enjoy time seems to fly by and when we're doing things we don't enjoy time often seems to drag. If you're going to become really good at listening you probably are going to have to change the way you feel about concentrating on what other people are trying to say to you.

It takes time, energy, ability to concentrate and a willingness to set aside your own concerns and problems to consider what someone is trying to say to you. It will also have some unique frustrations. Since very few of us spend a lot of time with people who really listen to what we're saying it often comes as a surprise that someone is actually listening to what you have to say. As a consequence, many of us haven't really thought about what we want others to hear, know and understand. So when someone really listens we find ourselves saying things like, "Well, what I think I mean is. . ." That's bad training for everybody. The listener knows that they have wasted their time and you feel foolish, because you don't even appear to know what you're thinking.

Its a two way street and both of you need to work on listening. When you're listening you're not trying to formulate what you're going to say to the person who is talking. Instead, you're seeking to understand what they are saying, why they are saying it and what they hope to accomplish by saying it. Once you have that under control you are in a better position to think about what they have said. Now your task is to think about what you're going to say, if anything. Sometimes listening is all that is necessary. But, if more is needed, now you have a solid idea of what is necessary. Take your time and respond in a thoughtful and appropriate manner.

That's the stuff friendships are built on, but it doesn't come naturally. It comes with thought, fitness, willingness and practice. Give it a try.

Our Culture And Time

Effective communication takes time. Our culture appears to value doing things quickly. "Time is money.” "Don't waste time." There are many more ideas that we are taught by our culture which implies that whatever we're doing it probably would be done better if it is done quickly.

Of course, we can think of things that we don't want to end, things that we enjoy. But, for most things the pressure is in the direction of quicker is better. But, in most cases, effective communication needs time. It is important to take time to listen, for example. We're so impatient that we try to multi-task everything. Drive a car in traffic while talking to someone on our cell phone, often ignoring the person you asked to come along on the trip. We think nothing of that kind of behavior.

To be effective at listening we're going to have to make time. We're also going to have to realize that multi-tasking is dangerous when trying to solve a problem with your boss or mate. You're not wasting time when you take time to listen.

Communication Is Difficult

In some areas we pride ourselves on being different from others. In fact, we try to create a style for ourselves. Some go further and tattoo and pierce themselves which clearly creates a distinctive identity. Probably more important than the distinctions we make between ourselves and others physically are those that are part of us. Those differences that are a result of who are parents are , where we were born and what experiences we've had, are must more important.

Sometimes we're tempted to not listen to others because we know what we would be doing or thinking by just hearing what they are saying. We can't safely think that we know what others are thinking and saying without careful listening. Because we are different in how we mean, we must first determine how "they mean" before we decide we know what they are saying. In our busy world, we just don't take the time to do what is necessary.

Make time to listen. Determine "how they mean" and then consider your response. Without careful listening, we are part of the problem. First, give yourself the chance to know. Then consider who you are, and who they think you are before responding. Things might go better.

More Division

Back. . .after a long break.

Still see the things that divide us in huge numbers. Somebody has got to make a move toward some goals that everybody can get behind. At this point we see ads for T-shirts that want us to wear our colors proudly. Thus making "the other side" hate us on sight. We have to really get serious about building common ground for my future and the future of my grand kids.